hey mate,
I think we play the what if game alot. I found that it can do either of two things- make me more depressed and self loathing or make me understand what I can do now so that history does not repeat itself.
part of playingthe what if game is not really liking yourself. If only I was this way or if only this happened or if i was born to a different family or in a different birth order and it goes on.
While I believe it is good and necessary to look back and reflect on your life don't let it get you down-yes grieve for a little bit but then say to yourself "I love you for who you are, and I am sorry oyu had to go through that.