deer in the headlights

[Kid A]

At the age of 6 I began permanetly looking like a deer in the headlights. Relaxed and varied facial expressions were all forcefully stolen from me in an unfair exchange for this new look of confusion. The other night I felt how this face might have formed during my traumatic experiences. I saw the graphic images as real as day, and my defenses failed which say, "this can't be real." I've always known these things were real, but in the past I turned away for safety. Now, unable to sleep, I had to accept they were real, but doing so didn't really make me feel better. I felt my heart paused completely, unable to accept what was happening, while my mind tried desperately to escape the situation. My heart and mind were fighting and pulling on my soul leaving me silently screaming like a deer in the headlights. The only small comfort that helped me fall to sleep at five in the morning was the comfort in knowing how that look of a deer in the headlights eventually contorted and dominated my face and my life.

 

[reality2k4]

The deer in the headlights, or thoughts of imminent danger.
Frozen emotions due to past events, they can be very alarming.

I am sorry that you are going through this so bad.
With the right type of help, you cna try and get somwhere through this mess.

I can pretty much put this stuff behind me, but it can return sometimes unexpectedly, in situations, not of my making.

It is good that you are facing these demons, and you can get somewhere towards healing the past.

Take care,

ste