Dating is tough, and everyone sucks at it.


After my trauma, I pretty much shutdown physically, emotionally, and mentally as a person. Didn't care about my health, didn't care about my appearance, didn't care about my state as a man.

Of course lately as you already know, I've been working to change that. One of my biggest challenges is dating. I'm going through alot of this shit for the first time.

Some people have been pretty harsh, wondering why a 26 going on 27 year old man is having to learn these lessons for the first time, when I should have learned these in high school. I suppose I can't exactly blame them for not understanding. At the same time, I've noticed.

Everyone is winging it in this area, fucking hell. Last girl I broke off with, is so indecisive, she has no idea what she wants out of life or guys in general. Like, I see it with my lady friends who are older who act the same way. They have shit relationships, alot in part because they themselves are unsure of what path they want to take in life.

It's comforting in a bad way I guess to learn that I'm not along in this? Anyone else because of their experience here have issues getting started in this realm of life like me feel the same way, or deal with the same things?

What are your thoughts?
I feel your pain. Back in my 20s before I accepted that I'm gay, I always felt a barrier was in the way. I never dated but on a rare occasion might find myself on a date. I stress the very rare part. then after accepting that I'm gay I still found the barrier was there. That was the abuse damage that I did not understand. I found many ways to sabotage any potential relationship. I can't speak to women of your generation as I'm much older. Perhaps you are seeing more of it because of how you are meeting these women. For example if its on Tinder then I get it. Tinder folks are all about the hookup not the relationship. I don't think I'm writing anything helpful here but I tried. Though you should be happy that you are at least getting out on some dates. That is a big step.
I've known very few people who have had an easy time of dating, and usually those have been the people who have been into it for just the single, or two or so dates, not looking for anything solid. We with our baggage end up with someone else's baggage as well, and trying to navigate that can be difficult. I think it's a positive thing that you have been getting out on dates, that is a baby step towards a meaningful relationship. Keep trying, and try not to get discouraged.


If you ever talk to anyone in the legal field who has worked in family law, they’ll quickly confirm that there are far more people out there who suck at relationships than there are those who excel at relationships. If relationships were easy we would probably all be in committed monogamous relationships by 17 or 18 which would only end with death of one of the partners decades later.