Dating in 4th/5th grade??

[onlyakid]

Something reminded me of my childhood best friends girlfriend. Then it dawned on me, I left that school/town, the first half of 5th grade (November 1989). If he had a girlfriend during 4th or 5th grade then what the heck did I know about dating and sex in 7th grade when my brother began to abuse me, shouldn't I have known by 7th grade that it isn't normal to sleep with your brother??

Now I'm confused, hoping someone can help

Jason

 

[sabata]

jason i dont know how i can help...i think having a girlfriend in 4 or5 grade is unusual..yet what kind of a relationship was it..sex...every one matures at different speeds...dont blame your self the one who should have known better was your brother.....my brother was having his way with me at about 9 or 10......steve

 

[roadrunner]

Jason,

So many abused boys have no idea that what is happening to them is in any way unusual. They may think that "all the boys are doing this" but it's secret; that's what I got told by the abuser. Or it may just not occur to them that what's going on is unacceptable and wrong. A friend of mine told me, for example, of how devastated he was when he got the school lecture about good and bad touching; that's the first time he realized that what his father was doing was abuse and not love.

If you look back to your relationship to your older brother, I bet you will recall looking up to him and thinking how cool he was. Imagine what it must have meant to you when he began to pay attention to you in a "special" way. You may have thought it was great that he suddenly wanted to be with you. And he probably told you all sorts of lies to keep you quiet and submissive and in general to keep things going.

The point here is that it was NOT up to you to figure out sexual boundaries with your older brother when you were in 7th grade. It was up to him to love and respect you enough to keep you safe, rather than exploit you and abuse his power and influence over you.

Even if you went to him, and even if you had erections and orgasms with him, NONE of it was your fault. You were seeking what every boy desperately wants and needs: affection, approval and that feeling of being special and important. It was your right to want and need those things, and you should have been able to get them without being exploited sexually.

Much love,
Larry

 

[onlyakid]

Originally posted by sabata:
jason i dont know how i can help...i think having a girlfriend in 4 or5 grade is unusual..yet what kind of a relationship was it..sex...every one matures at different speeds

I don't believe it inolved sex, I think it was just holding hands, kissing, etc. but then again that time of my life is a little cloudy. At first I thought the abuse happened when I was 11 or 12, turned out that it happened when I was in 13 (Yes, I was in 7th grade at 13 I got left back).

And Larry, thanks I needed to be told that again, I knew that but when you start doubting yourself all that goes out the window. And yes, i do believe I did look up to him.

Jason