JAAY - your situation is heartbreaking and I have been through similar experience. I am not an SA survivor myself but I am a survivor of some pretty twisted emotional and verbal abuse by my own father, some of which still continues today at age 34. I am engaged to a SA survivor who also struggles with issues related to parental neglect and control (lots of "mom" issues!)
I too went through a tough phase recently. From 1998-2001 I experienced: the loss of a friend in a plane crash, a bad accident which resulted in me being hooked on pain killers, the death of my own cat from a slow, painful cancer, a bad breakup (and subsequent loss of my home - I lived with my then-boyfriend who pretty much kicked me out). I had to move back home at age 30 and start out all over again on my own. In 2001 my dad entered another low in his emotional life and started mixing drugs and booze and wound up getting arrested for DUI and almost taking his life through an O.D. on Labour Day weekend, 2001. In August 2001 I re-met (we were old friends but out of touch for decades) my fiance in August 2001 (our first date was 9/11/2001 of all days!!!!!!!!!!)
Things have been rough as we are both survivors, but we are taking it one step at a time.
The only tip I can give you is to start a new relationship with the intention of friendship first and see what happens. I tried to date in the years 2000-2001 right after my "horrible years" and had a hard time - I was flaky, emotional, and very needy. I really scared a lot of people away - I have no idea if those people would have been a good match for me.. as I was trying to cover up the neediness and the loneliness I was suffering. I doubt I made good choices.
Even when I met my current fiance I was stil that way, but the one thing that helped was that we were friends first, and we started the relationship as no more than friends. We talked about everything - my recent past history, his SA, his alcohol and drug issues, all of that BEFORE we decided to date. At least we went into the relationship with our eyes open.. not wide open, but somewhat....
So, my advice - take it very slow, dont rush into something in order to fulfill a need or longing. If you rush something looking to fill a need you are likely to meet up with someone who is just as needy, which does not make a good relationship. Keep building on yourself while building the friendship and hopefully something will come out of it.
SA and abuse and trauma and PTSD is so loaded and causes so many weird effects that you really need a strong foundation on friendship in order to navigate through and survive the HUGE ups and HUGE downs. To have someone there to work on things together is absolutely amazing. I am lucky that I am involved with an old friend.. we have a long track record of friendship to build on. If you dont have an old friend in your life, then start making a new friend.. and keep emphasis on the FRIEND part, especially in the beginning.
Hope this helps.
suggestions? 
