DAMN BLACKENED SOUL!

DAMN BLACKENED SOUL!
blacken

blacken

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Fucking damn blackened soul. A devil. A creature of damnation, walking among us. His hide is that of a man. It swoons a poor unknowing. Makes a family of it desire. For one purpose. To turture its choosen pray. To taunt the beraggered child. To throw it vile cures against one without defences. To suck & drain the soul of innocence. It lived on the life, the fear, the terror, the pain, the hatered, the sorrow, the dread, the mocked and sodden heart. Woe is thy existance. Woe is mine. The poor child, brought into the world to be food for a beast. No other purpose, no self alowed. Just a gasping breath, a whimper. All for the delight of It. It gaze turns the child to stone. No fight. No flight, just frozen in horror as the creature desends to feast. Hell, hast no threat, for I have met the Devil & lived within His house..............BL
 
i hear a hint of anger, a feeling i know well, the sadness i dont see it , its hiden quite well, i woke once to find my place, it was not a perty site, it is of small releaf to know im not the only one who lives within the night,this devils house, it must be close to mine, often in my waking hours the screems i cant tell if there mine, if you see me will you know who i am,its still dark where im at....
 
BlackLeaves,

One day i found myself at a reunion of sorts, a reunion of my old neighborhood and all the friends of my youth were there, I was probably 35 or so and had not seen any of them in at least ten years, one of them, one i had not seen in since high school days, well, he took me aside, sat me down, and then said, john, i know something was dreadfully wrong in your house, it has bothered me that we were never able to talk about it, wont you please tell me about it now?

so i told him my story, the first words out of his mouth i will never forget, he said to me, *my god john, you have been to hell, i am so sorry*

Your words resonate with my experience BlackLeaves, they define the experience of my childhood.

I was there too,,,,

My tears are for both of us, and the others too, we were just little boys and it was so so wrong.....

John
 
A dirty-rotten, scum-of-the-earth, low-life, piece-of-shit-sucking, monsterous, foul, creatin.

dirty-rotten=how he has made me feel about myself.

scum-of-the-Earth = actually, "scum" has its own worth in the great sceme of things. HE doesn't.

low-life = morally low, ethically low, debased, defunct of goodnes, (other than too misslead others).

piece-of-shit-sucking = I don't think I can go THERE yet....

monsterous = You can't possiblly be considered human AND do what he did. Besides, he took great delight in his actions.

foul = it was utterly disgusting. Horrific & nasty.

cretin = something that is terrible, by design. I think he enjoyed what he was.

Those words might describe him more accerate, but it Feels better to say words like....
Fucking raunchy baststard, mother fucking scum bag sucking piece of shit. You sperm gurgling cunt, may you choke on a cow's cock.
 
When I read your post, John, about going to a neighborhood reunion and got to this line, I almost came unraveled:
one of them, one i had not seen since high school days, well, he took me aside, sat me down, and then said, john, i know something was dreadfully wrong in your house, it has bothered me that we were never able to talk about it, won't you please tell me about it now?
Click to expand...

What a wonderful gift to have another man acknowledge (with sensitivity)a dark place in your life. When "stuff" is happening to others, most kids feel powerless, helpless, or incapable of fixing it. But when I read this (even though you were getting the information years later than when you were actually experiencing the abuse) I saw it as a giant step toward healing the hurt child inside.

Thanks for sharing this, John; it really warms my heart.

Don
 
Don,

It was very validating for me, the years later was ok too, just kinda reaffirmed for me that i was really ok and it was my house and family that was all screwed up.

Thanks for you post.

John
 
blacken is your soul

the wind, stirs
the leaves, swirl
about me

my hands, grip
the sheets, taunt
against me

my vision, blurs
with pain, blinding
i scream

my future, destroyed
the love, forsaken
i cry

this life, falls
for ever, tumbling
into the abyss

one soul, reaches
out toward, light
becomes blacken

desire drowns, the boy
gives up, his breath
is smothered

one wish, spoken
prayer begs, the sleep
takes him

blacken is my soul
 
Keep getting the anger out. I like your poem. Sometimes I am afraid to let it out, any feelings for that matter. My poems are a great outlet for me.

Do what you can to get mad without hurting anyone including yourself. I feel like a have a voice more now. Atleast I am getting there.
 
This life sucks so bad. And it just keeps getting worse. As hard as I work to make things better. And it is still a piss poor way to exist. Soon, ill be out of a job I think. By then it will be Hospital or Morge.
Ill flip a coin i guess.
 
Hell?...Dammed?...Or maybe just abused to the point of being totally freaked? We are all going to live in hell forever or for just part of the time...there are ways to take a vacation from hell and I'm leaving for the week end...a 4 day week end!!!!

When I was 12 and thought that I knew the complete story of sex...I couldn't even get hard yet but my butt was well used and was the world to me...being raped was almost dayly and I played with it when I wasn't being fucked...guess what...After the flashbacks and PTSD...I'm 12 again most of the time...talk about feeling bad about how sex was and is today...WOW...would rather be dead..SURE...have to stay and take care of my 13yo girl and my wife..they can't fix a thing!!!!...I can and can fix almost anything and try to fix myself...for a while by giving into the 12 yo. So why do we all feel so bad about past sa...We had our minds fucked up by our abusers and now you have to go with your flow or break!!!!

Eddie
 
BLACKEN, YOUR SO ANGRY THAT I FEAR YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE. TAKE A BREATH AND SLOW YOUR THOUGHT PATTERN DOWN SOMEWHAT. ANGER IS A GOOD TOOL, BUT HATING YOURSELF IF VENGENCE TOWARD YOURSELF, NOT YOUR ABUSER.

I WAS SODDOMIZED 6 TIMES THAT FIRST TIME BY 4 GUYS..... YOU CAN MAKE IT! ONE DAY AT A TIME.

ANGER IS GOOD...HATRED IS NOT GOING TO HELP IN SOME CASES. SLOW DOWN FOR YOUR OWN PEACE OF MIND SO YOU CAN GET THE HELP YOU DESERVE!

SCOTT
 
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