Daily bitch
My mother left a message on my phone last night, I didn't even listen to it. I got in and my roomate told me she called so I went over and deleted it immediately. He asked me why and without thinking I told him I didn't care what that bitch had to say... he didn't say anything about it, just figured I was in a bad mood and went back to watching TV. Later on I asked him what she said lol, he said she just said that it was nice to see me over the weekend and it seems like I'm doing well, give her a call, etc.
Seems like I'm doing well? That's beautiful, I'm a better actor than I thought I was. I'm thinking I'll move to California, be a movie star.
I'm all set with speaking to her. The old man was an evil bastard but she allowed him to do shit that just shouldn't be done to a kid. Yep, I blame her just as much as I blame him.
I'm over feeling all triggery and flashbacky from being at the house last Saturday. Now I'm just back to being in denial and hating the old man. For a day or two anyway I was feeling real bad for Jay the 6 - 13 yr. old. But now he can fuck off. That's right, fuck him for getting me in trouble and fuck him for being so goddamn stupid. Fuck him for screwing up my life!
I still miss Kenny, but I hate him too, I do blame him but the blame is more like 50/50.
Please don't ask me to explain that it'll take all day.
Pregnant X-gf called me too, she wants to "still be friends". I said she could make new friends and to lose my phone number. It's kind of sad, I've known her for a long time.
But oh well, here today gone tomorrow...
The sex was good, I'll miss that.
I may or may not stop by the police station to find out if there are any new leads on the perps. I'm sure there aren't, there's never anything new. It's strange, as much as I'd love them to find those guys, I don't want them to be found.
The more time that goes by, the less chance there is of making any kind of a case anyway.
There are photo's and files/report from the hospital but we're going on 5 years soon.
It's a cold case, the police pretty much gave up looking. It's all in the database in case there's a similar crime they can maybe match it up but there's really no chance of finding or convicting these guys now. If only I could have remembered more at the time it might have made a difference.
I still really can't remember what they looked like, just barely but not really. It was dark most of the time anyway but there were times that I could make out a face.
That's enough of that, I don't want to go back there. I do need to address it at some point though. Yeah, I still blame myself for that one.
What else...
Oh yeah, yesterday Larry made me cry twice... the bastard that he is
just kidding. It felt damn good, it's been a long long time. But none of that today... I'm at work.
Day 4 no alcohol, but I smoked a ton of dope last night, does that count?
Okay, thanks for reading if you have.
Jay
Seems like I'm doing well? That's beautiful, I'm a better actor than I thought I was. I'm thinking I'll move to California, be a movie star.
I'm all set with speaking to her. The old man was an evil bastard but she allowed him to do shit that just shouldn't be done to a kid. Yep, I blame her just as much as I blame him.
I'm over feeling all triggery and flashbacky from being at the house last Saturday. Now I'm just back to being in denial and hating the old man. For a day or two anyway I was feeling real bad for Jay the 6 - 13 yr. old. But now he can fuck off. That's right, fuck him for getting me in trouble and fuck him for being so goddamn stupid. Fuck him for screwing up my life!
I still miss Kenny, but I hate him too, I do blame him but the blame is more like 50/50.
Please don't ask me to explain that it'll take all day.
Pregnant X-gf called me too, she wants to "still be friends". I said she could make new friends and to lose my phone number. It's kind of sad, I've known her for a long time.
But oh well, here today gone tomorrow...
The sex was good, I'll miss that.
I may or may not stop by the police station to find out if there are any new leads on the perps. I'm sure there aren't, there's never anything new. It's strange, as much as I'd love them to find those guys, I don't want them to be found.
The more time that goes by, the less chance there is of making any kind of a case anyway.
There are photo's and files/report from the hospital but we're going on 5 years soon.
It's a cold case, the police pretty much gave up looking. It's all in the database in case there's a similar crime they can maybe match it up but there's really no chance of finding or convicting these guys now. If only I could have remembered more at the time it might have made a difference.
I still really can't remember what they looked like, just barely but not really. It was dark most of the time anyway but there were times that I could make out a face.
That's enough of that, I don't want to go back there. I do need to address it at some point though. Yeah, I still blame myself for that one.
What else...
Oh yeah, yesterday Larry made me cry twice... the bastard that he is
just kidding. It felt damn good, it's been a long long time. But none of that today... I'm at work.Day 4 no alcohol, but I smoked a ton of dope last night, does that count?
Okay, thanks for reading if you have.
Jay
