Dad's in the hospital - not sure how to feel

Dad's in the hospital - not sure how to feel
C

crisispoint

Registrant
Dad went into the hospital last night. He's not been well over the past few weeks and it should've been done a long time ago.

The troubling thing for me is that I don't know how I should feel. We don't have that great a relationship and it's because he was emotionally abusive that I think set me up for what happened later in life. But I surely don't wish ill-will toward him and I don't want him to die either. I'm not that uncaring.

Ah, don't you just love this stuff over the holidays?

Scot
 
Sometimes we can let go of the bitterness and anger easier than we can develop feelings of genuine love. I know that from a couple of relationships though my father was not one of them.

My father was not nurturing nor particularly warm but he was not really abusive. I think he did the best he could do and that he was struggling with some of the same insecuities that have marked my life. We had begun to develop a closer relationship when he died. I often wonder what our relationship would have become if we had started sooner or been able to continue working on it for a while longer. I do hope you enjoy the best relationship it is possible for you to have with one another and when that time comes, it will hold no regrets. I am very aware that the best sometimes is the most distant and such may be your case. If so, be thankful for the distance.

Anyway, Scott, your post triggered some deep feeling in me during this season. You are in my prayers as you struggle with your feelings, as is your father as he deals with his health issues. May you both experience the victory you long for.

Brownie
 
Scot,

Just be easy at yourself, and know that whatever you feel, you feel for reason. don't worry if it is what you 'should' feel or not. Just allow yourself TO feel, anything that comes into your head and heart, and know it is part of you, and so it is all right. My thoughts are with you right now.

Leosha
 
Now Dad's out of the hospital and completely out of his mind. One of my sisters is trying to find overnight care, but until then, the three of them have been switching off watching him and they are guilting me into taking a shift.

I know I'm being selfish, I really do, but I feel this is not good for either of us. The man I want to punish is long gone, true, but he is a very confused, mean old man and he's shown capability of violence. He has taken a swing at one of my sisters in the past, and he has almost goaded me into hitting him. I am afraid of what will happen if he actually does get violent, because I am male (yeah, sexist!) and he will do so.

It's all well and good for my sisters to tell me to control myself, but I can't be asked to NOT defend myself. What if I do lose control and keep swinging and swinging? I am afraid.

I don't know what to do. We all have issues with the man, and in our own lives, and I want to help, but this doesn't look like a good thing.

I am afraid. I need advice.
:(
Scot
 
Scot
It sound's as though you've had a christmas like mine, emergency rooms, doctors and phone calls in the middle of the night. It's no fun.

I'm also a bit like you, my relationship with my parents isn't good. And they never abused me.
I just feel.....pissed off... that at a time when I needed them most I was in boarding school being abused.
It wasn't their fault, I know that. And I'm 100% sure they would have taken me away and cared for me if they'd been told. But that never happened. And that leaves some doubts in my mind that will always remain unresolved. That's the way it has to be.

But we're in the process of rejoining the real world as survivors, and this is what it's like.
6 OR 7 years ago I wouldn't do this stuff, I'd have retreated into my old coping stratergies of acting out, disowning the problem, ignoring the problem. I'd have probably left town with this amount of crap.

Would I choose to go back to those old ways ? No, I wouldn't. But some nights when I lie awake they do have some attractions.

I hope your problems soon resolve Scot.

Dave
 
Scot,

I hope that you can get through the current crisis and find the solution that is best for you and your Dad. I know it is difficult these days for people to care for aging parents, even without issues of past abuse/neglect in the picture. You're a good man for trying to do good by him.


Dave,

Don't think I heard about your Christmas, but from what you say here it doesn't sound like one of the better ones. I hope it turned out ok.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Scot,

I know how you feel as i received a letter from my biological mother on Christmas eve and it sent me downward spiraling.My bio mother is living with a friend of hers and this friend is taking care of her due to situation with the family not being able to cope due to her mind being almost completely gone,the letter told me that she did not know where she was going to be as of the 1st of january and that her time was up living with this friend of hers.Situation is already taxing enough as it is don't needed the added stress over the holidays even as hard as it is already as a survivor and family sexual abuse.

Made me crawl back into the hole where i found the best support over the last few years the good old flask,could not have made it without my friend.Trusting things are somewhat better with your situation now but remember to take care of yourself first then if you have it in you take care of family members.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top