Cutting the Umbilical Cord?
"Our earliest emotional experiences, both good and bad, occurred first through our bodies. Only later did we process emotions mentally. What we learned through our bodies, as children became the foundation of our emotional life beyond childhood." (Van der Kolk, P 25)
My own abuse, a sense of being hated, unwanted, & made an object of vengeance, began with me in the womb, while still attached to my unwed mothers' umbilical cord, thru which I could feel the malice
against all men that my mother held & would take out on my her "bastard" firstborn son.
Right from the start I learned some bad stuff & picked up some bad vibes thru my body that got trapped there & became the foundation for my emotional & physical life into adulthood. I'm still dealing with it.
"Sexual abuse frequently begins before a child has the mental and muscular skills needed to speak. At this age we primarily relate to the world through our bodies – touch is the principal mode of communication, talk is secondary. A child's reaction to abuse at this age has a definite bodily component. Unable to defend itself verbally or physically, the child's body absorbs the physical and emotional insult of abuse." (Van der Kolk P 19)
My SA began when I was at least 2 or 3, well before having those mental & muscular skills. Touch, my "principal mode of communication," was already getting all the wrong signals. Along with SA, there was physical abuse; I was often severely
shaken till my head would snap back and my back would bend--probably the source of much of my chronic back & neck pain.
Unable to defend myself or flee, my body simply absorbed & stored all the physical & emotional pain. And the abuse went on until I was 11 years old.
“Once the amygdala is programmed to remember certain sounds, smells and bodily sensations as dangerous, a person is always likely to respond to those stimuli as a trigger for flight or fight reactions. (Ford, p 6)
"This…seems to cause trauma imprints to be stored as fragmented sensory and emotional traces, rather than being organized into a narrative by the higher brain's autobiographical self. As far as we know, trauma is the only thing that gets stored in this way, except perhaps for mental imprints in very small infants." (Ford, p 6)
Yeah that pretty well describes what's happened to me & what I'm working thru. And with me the trauma & the mental imprints I had as a very small infant are very much the same things.
Thus I still can respond very much in an infantile
manner, in exaggerated fight, flight or freeze responses, to seemingly minor stimuli reminescent of when I was abused. Thus the pain that's been storing in me since in the womb thru the umbilical
cord increases in stock.
“Confronted with an experience that includes elements of their original trauma, people with PTSD may react as if they are going through it again. Specifically, when enough of their sensations (such as being touched in a certain way, being exposed to certain smells, or seeing images that remind them of the earlier event) match imprints from the original trauma, these people activate biological systems that make them react as if they were being traumatized anew. In short, they have conditioned psychphysiological and neuroendicrine responses to reminders of the trauma.” (Ford, p 5)
Exactly, and much of it I experience all over again as an infant, even a fetus still connected to my mother's damned umbilical cord! Sometimes I feel like the damned things strangling me!
“A prime characteristic of both children and adults with PTSD is that in the face of a threat they cannot inhibit emotional states that originate in physical sensations.” (Ford, p 7)
Right and that's why my inner child/infant/fetus as well as my wounded traumatized adult needs to have more good body work.
“Practical anxiety management skills may include training in deep muscle relaxation, control of breathing, role playing, and yoga. (Ford, p 8)
These are some of the things I hope can help. If anyone has any other thots, ideas, experiences etc to share I'd appreciate.
So would Little Vic.
We'd like to get this damned cord cut and get on with our lives!!!
Victor
Van der Kolk: https://www.traumacenter.org/van_der_Kolk_2002_In_Terror\'s_Grip.pdf .
Ford: Title: Compassionate Touch
Author: Dr Clyde W Ford
Published: North Atlantic Books, (C) 1993,1999
My own abuse, a sense of being hated, unwanted, & made an object of vengeance, began with me in the womb, while still attached to my unwed mothers' umbilical cord, thru which I could feel the malice
against all men that my mother held & would take out on my her "bastard" firstborn son.
Right from the start I learned some bad stuff & picked up some bad vibes thru my body that got trapped there & became the foundation for my emotional & physical life into adulthood. I'm still dealing with it.
"Sexual abuse frequently begins before a child has the mental and muscular skills needed to speak. At this age we primarily relate to the world through our bodies – touch is the principal mode of communication, talk is secondary. A child's reaction to abuse at this age has a definite bodily component. Unable to defend itself verbally or physically, the child's body absorbs the physical and emotional insult of abuse." (Van der Kolk P 19)
My SA began when I was at least 2 or 3, well before having those mental & muscular skills. Touch, my "principal mode of communication," was already getting all the wrong signals. Along with SA, there was physical abuse; I was often severely
shaken till my head would snap back and my back would bend--probably the source of much of my chronic back & neck pain.
Unable to defend myself or flee, my body simply absorbed & stored all the physical & emotional pain. And the abuse went on until I was 11 years old.
“Once the amygdala is programmed to remember certain sounds, smells and bodily sensations as dangerous, a person is always likely to respond to those stimuli as a trigger for flight or fight reactions. (Ford, p 6)
"This…seems to cause trauma imprints to be stored as fragmented sensory and emotional traces, rather than being organized into a narrative by the higher brain's autobiographical self. As far as we know, trauma is the only thing that gets stored in this way, except perhaps for mental imprints in very small infants." (Ford, p 6)
Yeah that pretty well describes what's happened to me & what I'm working thru. And with me the trauma & the mental imprints I had as a very small infant are very much the same things.
Thus I still can respond very much in an infantile
manner, in exaggerated fight, flight or freeze responses, to seemingly minor stimuli reminescent of when I was abused. Thus the pain that's been storing in me since in the womb thru the umbilical
cord increases in stock.
“Confronted with an experience that includes elements of their original trauma, people with PTSD may react as if they are going through it again. Specifically, when enough of their sensations (such as being touched in a certain way, being exposed to certain smells, or seeing images that remind them of the earlier event) match imprints from the original trauma, these people activate biological systems that make them react as if they were being traumatized anew. In short, they have conditioned psychphysiological and neuroendicrine responses to reminders of the trauma.” (Ford, p 5)
Exactly, and much of it I experience all over again as an infant, even a fetus still connected to my mother's damned umbilical cord! Sometimes I feel like the damned things strangling me!
“A prime characteristic of both children and adults with PTSD is that in the face of a threat they cannot inhibit emotional states that originate in physical sensations.” (Ford, p 7)
Right and that's why my inner child/infant/fetus as well as my wounded traumatized adult needs to have more good body work.
“Practical anxiety management skills may include training in deep muscle relaxation, control of breathing, role playing, and yoga. (Ford, p 8)
These are some of the things I hope can help. If anyone has any other thots, ideas, experiences etc to share I'd appreciate.
So would Little Vic.
We'd like to get this damned cord cut and get on with our lives!!!
Victor
Van der Kolk: https://www.traumacenter.org/van_der_Kolk_2002_In_Terror\'s_Grip.pdf .
Ford: Title: Compassionate Touch
Author: Dr Clyde W Ford
Published: North Atlantic Books, (C) 1993,1999
