csa and sexual dysfunction

[ethereo222]

I hope this topic is permitted in this forum. I have found a couple of older threads in other areas, but I'd like to start one of my own, as I do feel this relates to recovery.

I can directly connect with my childhood abuse my lifelong difficulty with delayed and inhibited ejaculation when I'm with a partner. I know this is a well-documented symptom of csa, so I'm hoping you guys out there will offer your own experiences and recovery successes.

In short, my first ejaculations with another person were in the abuse situations, and always by his hand. Always from the dark room I had to pass to get to mine, whenever I'd go by, came the ominous voice, ordering me to come in. Since then I have never ever been able to reach orgasm through a partner's stimulation. I have been with men in my adult life, and with one woman when I was younger (who is still my closest friend), but it didn't matter the gender, or the activity, I just couldn't get there except by my own hand, if at all, and only after a whole lot of work that eventually bored and frustrated most partners waiting for me, after they had climaxed. Plus a couple of relationships where the words "What's wrong with you, why can't you get off???" were expressed frequently (because THAT really helps, yeah.) When I am alone, it is not an issue.

It really doesn't take rocket science to figure this one out.

I just have never found a way to work through it. I have tried many methods of mental work for decades, but to no avail. My therapist of years ago offered some ideas, but they never took with me.

So I'm putting this out there to see what other guys with this issue have discovered has made a difference in their lives.

Thanks, fellas.

 

[cant_remember]

What you're saying makes sense, and I am just writing to validate your connection between the CSA and the inability to achieve orgasm with a partner...

How to fix it? I have no idea. EMDR might help, but so far, it hasn't worked miracles for me, so I don't want to make it sound like it will.

Cant

 

[justplainme]

That's normal for sexual abuse survivors. I had those same issues and still do very little now, and like you i tried various methods of mental work, until i realized it wasn't a mental thing, it was a soul, body , heart thing. Modern medicine say's that the mind is the most affected thing in abuse, but i take the point of view of eastern medicine, that when you are sick the soul is sick as well. What really helped for me, was to feel the feelings that the body was trying to communicate through the symptoms, If i could not get it up, i had to feel my way into learning it was because i felt impotent like a child who could not channel his sexual desire to the woman i was with, she had all the power like the rapist did even though this was not the case.
If i had intrusive feelings when i masturbated in other parts of my body, and those sensations associated to rape seemed pleasurable then i just remember that is not what i want to feel, this is just like a domino effect, where your experiences tie in to your sexuality and one feeling leeds to another because they all happened in the kingdom of your sexuality.
What works? Well whatever makes you feel comfortable, sure auto-eroticism and masturbation are a sanctuary where you hold all the power, and being with a person requires being seen, being vulnerable, being recognized. And when someone did that they raped us...so it's normal to try and integrate the rape into our sexual life in any kind of way that affirms your joy, if you don't it will creep up from the back of your mind rear it's ugly head and peek at everything your doing while having sex.

Talking about this helps a lot, adopting a new sexual perspective about yourself helps, loving yourself helps.

Hope this helped.