crying

crying
M

myquietspace

Registrant
i'm having a little problem and wondering if anyone has some advice for me. I am having trouble crying, actually, I've never shed more than one tear for my situation. I despirately want to cry but it never happens. It's like it gets so close and my eyes well up, then it's gone. I listen to sad music and stuff, but nothing seems to work.
 
I am sorry to hear this, crying really is a good way to relieve the stress you may be recalling.
You have done all the things to help, but nothing really works.
I think you may be suppressing too much things inside. You maybe see crying, as losing control, or maybe, not what men do.
Let yourself go, and just cry. Let go of the control, you wont be harmed.
 
yes, you are quiet right, I am scared to loose control. But How do I overcome that? I know I am being held back, but I've hit a brick wall. Every day I'm remembering new things. I just want to feel it to deal with it
 
I remember when I felt the same as you, it was so fresh in my mind, I had to control my mind, for fear of losing control. If you can just find some place to be completely alone, a safe place, where you know you can't be disturbed, and just ease the control, you will do it. Crying is a safety valve, it lessens emotion.

If you see a child who falls over and gets hurt, they usually burst into a flood of tears, they are not embarassed, they are just showing the emotion of hurt.

Because our hurt is so different, we tend not to show it by crying, so the hurt further bottles itself up, with no safety valve with the exception numbing. Numbing is not a safe way of dealing with it.

Find that place, and just let some of the control off your mind.

ste
 
I vowed never to cry again for anyone or anything when I was 12 - I kept that promise for 32 years & cried once. It was another 2 years before I could do it again. Now I do it when I feel the need - I don't think you can force it, it will happen when you really have no option than to let those tears roll.

It is cathartic for me when it happens.

Best wishes...Rik
 
Trigger Warning................


I have been working on healing for around 5 years. I learned that I can only cry when under extreame distress or pain. Becuase its related to the abuse. My dad ENJOYED hearing me cry while he molested/raped me. I couldn't stop Him, but I could try not to cry. To this day, I can't do it. I have cried twice during this whole dreadlyfully painfull experience.

I have no cure for this, but at least I understand how I came to be this way.

Blacken
 
I cried a bit yesterday, because I was getting frustrated at the lack of feedback after finally making a major statement last week - I'm expecting miracles from the Police after I was silent for decades. I expect them to tell me what has happened within days...in my mind I know they are not ignoring me, they will tell me when they can.

It took me a long time to 'get ready' to report the abuse to the police. I had a major sobbing session in York a while ago & apologised to my friend because it was so loud & would have been embarassing to most people - he told me to keep going & just get it out of my system.... that was another step in allowing me to build the strength to finally report the crime!

When I walked back along to the places where I was abused (the last time I went in daylight - since been back in the dark) - I heard words on the wind..... Let it go, LET It go, LET IT GO... that refers to the pain / mistrust / abuse / tears....moving on.... let's all move on.

When I shed tears. I shed them for everyone here - they are healing tears & I so much want you all to heal.

Love, best wishes & hope to everyone....Rik
 
*triggers*

I have a hard time crying, too. My dad beat that out of me. He told me that he would continue to beat me until I stopped crying, so I stopped crying but he wouldn't stop beating me.

Eventually I got to the point where I could just take the beatings without crying and have been almost unable to cry ever since.

Today I've been crying and thinking of ending my relationship and my life. What a breakthrough.

--Groan
 
The last time I cried, about two weeks ago now, I was in the company of a small group of survivors. A lot had been shared during the evening and I spoke about how much I was able to relate. Then I told them some specifics...and the tears started...but I kept going and was glad to finish my thought.

Later one of the group facilitators asked if he could give me a hug and told me that he was proud of me (he knew that I had been hesitant to disclose some of the stuff). A few more tears came and there has not been an occasion since (although I could be wrong about that).

Something that helps unblock me is watching kids having fun. It seems that I have been somber, or otherwise serious, for such a long time - at least since I stopped running to booze 16 years ago.

Kenn
 
I know exactly what you are feeling! I want to cry, I want to get it out, but I can't. The most I have ever shed is a few tears at the most. I don't have any advice because I am just coming to grips with what happened to me, but your not alone on this one.
 
Had the same problem with the tears. When I wanted them they just wouldnt come. I stopped them in childhood to stop giving those who hurt me the satisfaction. The shame of being a cry baby was also a factor. I remember being very proud of myself for stopping them.
What helped start them again for me was acting as though I was crying when watching sad films etc and that did eventually help to free them. The fears I had about loosing control proved unfounded.
Wishing you well with the tears, they are really healing; I am sure they will come when you are ready.
Rustam
 
There is no pain I've experienced like the pain of being not able to cry.

my story is very similar to Rick57, swore that i would never ever cry again aged twelve and i didnt not even at my mothers funeral, I kept it firmly locked away inside and would only come out when i was drunk. I hadnt cried sober from the age of twelve through to forty four, now i can if i let myself and I have to admit that after it feels as though Ive been thoroughly washed inside and out.

I wish you well

Archnut
 
quietspace,

i too, can't cry much.

my dad, ex marine taught me to be tough, be a man, "i can hack it".

i lived that facade for so long. still do a bit.

now i only cry at weddings, funerals, and maybe a movie or hurtful t.v. show that is sweet and/or sad.

but as for crying and letting it out for me, it is an issue.

i also think when i can ever trust someone in a relationship, maybe i will or you can. i wish i could but can;t right now. maybe that is some of our trust issues too.

trust is such a big issue. i currently do not trust anyone but my mom, dad, rother and sister. i trust my t about 90%. having been betrayed and abused, it has toughened us up if you will.

i gotta be "well" by myself before i will be better. i damn sure am working on it but it is a process indeed.

i hate the facade of acting tough when deep down i hurt, i may be sad, i am not necessarily "o.k.".

maybe in time, we will be better.


in the meantime, i and others as posted can so relate, so try to be at peace with that.

maybe as part of our healing process, we can some day. i have been working on me for 7 months now. i do think in time i will be better.

but one day at a time is so there for me. not force it, just realize where i am at and what i want to change in time about me.

take care, guy
 
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