Crashed today

Crashed today
E

EGL

Registrant
I talked to my mother on the phone this evening. After about 15 minutes of idle chit-chat, I was saying goodbye when she said "Are you mad at us about something?" I froze for a moment, but was able to lie well enough I guess. She asked if I was depressed. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I was now in therapy dealing with my father beating the shit out of me as a child, and my brother f***ing me as a kid as well. She also said my brother tried calling me several times yesterday but that I'd never returned his calls (true). Not in the mood to talk to him.

Hung up and felt like a chicken-s**t.
 
Eddie,

I wouldn't say it was chicken shit. Telling your mother isn't something that you should do without planning it and something that you wouldn't want to come out off the cuff.

Your looking out for yourself. You are in no way obligated to return your brother/abuser's phone call. No matter how much your mother wants you to. Keep taking care of yourself.

Bill
 
Eddie,
I have to agree you shouldnt feel like that. Telling your Mom something like needs to planed and the timing needs to be right for you. I have yet to tell anyone on my side of my family about my abuse. You did what you had to in order to keep surviving which is all anyone can do. You have us to help you when ever you need us.

James
 
Eddie,

There was nothing chickens**t about what you did.

As the others have said, this cannot be off the cuff. It has to be planned understanding what might happen. And to be ready for the aftermath, whatever that might be.

Take care of yourself.

Marc
 
I think that a telephone confrontation would be the worst thing. If you are feeling like telling her, or telling anyone in your family, what you think, I thikn personal or by letter are better. Letter because you can think and rethink what you are needing and wanting to say. In person, when and if you are ready, because you can see reactions and emotions of the other person. Either way, I think you were right to not say anything on phone, and not at all chicken sh*t. Take care of yourself.

Leosha
 
Thanks for the input. After some thought last night, I'm glad I kept it under control and didn't blurt it all out - I think that would have ended up as a disaster. As you have said above, something like this needs to be planned as to the right way of disclosing it.
 
Eddie:
In my experience, disclosure and confrontation should be done purposefully and planned so as to avoid revictimization or other negative fallout.

Check out:
https://www.malesurvivor.org/Survivors/Adult%20Survivors/Articles/singer3.htm

and see if it fits into a better plan for you.

Ken
 
Ken,

Thanks for the link. The following paragraph particularly stood out to me:

" In many cases of sexual abuse within the family, disclosure can create a major upset that can force family members to take sides. Where the family secret has been in place for years or even generations, disclosure can have serious results including blaming the victim or uniform denial that the abuse ever took place. The decision to disclose abuse in a dysfunctional family system must be weighed for the potential good it may do for the survivor and future potential victims versus the family's need to deny the truth and maintain destructive secrets.
"

In my mind, my family is quite the definition of dysfunctional. My main concern with disclosure is that it would hurt my mother, so I'm more than willing to avoid that. I'm just afraid that eventually the matter will be forced into the open. Her questioning yesterday almost did it, but I'm glad I was able to avoid the issue.
 
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