Crack in my Armament
(I wrote the below comment as a notation to a poem and posted it in the poetry forum. I, in particular wanted to reach out to fellow ASA men for their thoughts.)
I have fought, for nearly 50 years, against the argument for the need of a victim to forgive their assailant in order to find peace and move on. My stance: I was raped and FUCK THEM!
I believe, my past arguments against the “need” to forgive, are valid and should be respected. But there are valid arguments to the contrary.
However, over the past few weeks, I’m witnessing a crack in my own, well hammered out armament and running up against an uncomfortable question: “Who in the end is being fucked?”
Sometimes, it just takes someone to use a particular word or phrase to elbow through my thick skull and bring me to a personal stop and reflect moment. This came in the form of a podcast where the speaker was remarking that victims of horrific assaults often find it difficult to see the humanity in their attackers making it nearly impossible to forgive but the individuals who did see the human instead of the monster they seem to fare better over the long run.
Bingo!!! I view my attackers as monsters instead of viewing them as “humans” who did a monstrous act.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not yet ready to give up on justice and freely grant forgiveness. That said, I want my decision to be on my terms not my failure to see the humanity in another, probably equally injured, individual.
Please understand, I am not justifying horrific actions or stating there's no need for justice. I am also not saying everyone should reevaluate their rightful position taken.
All I am doing is sharing with fellow survivors my quandary that has me at war with my own beliefs and decisions, some of which, oddly, go against my beliefs making it difficult to be at peace.
When I’m in these difficult internal arguments, I turn to the pen and write poetry to express my struggle between competing rights: The right for justice. The right for mercy. (Sigh)
I have fought, for nearly 50 years, against the argument for the need of a victim to forgive their assailant in order to find peace and move on. My stance: I was raped and FUCK THEM!
I believe, my past arguments against the “need” to forgive, are valid and should be respected. But there are valid arguments to the contrary.
However, over the past few weeks, I’m witnessing a crack in my own, well hammered out armament and running up against an uncomfortable question: “Who in the end is being fucked?”
Sometimes, it just takes someone to use a particular word or phrase to elbow through my thick skull and bring me to a personal stop and reflect moment. This came in the form of a podcast where the speaker was remarking that victims of horrific assaults often find it difficult to see the humanity in their attackers making it nearly impossible to forgive but the individuals who did see the human instead of the monster they seem to fare better over the long run.
Bingo!!! I view my attackers as monsters instead of viewing them as “humans” who did a monstrous act.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not yet ready to give up on justice and freely grant forgiveness. That said, I want my decision to be on my terms not my failure to see the humanity in another, probably equally injured, individual.
Please understand, I am not justifying horrific actions or stating there's no need for justice. I am also not saying everyone should reevaluate their rightful position taken.
All I am doing is sharing with fellow survivors my quandary that has me at war with my own beliefs and decisions, some of which, oddly, go against my beliefs making it difficult to be at peace.
When I’m in these difficult internal arguments, I turn to the pen and write poetry to express my struggle between competing rights: The right for justice. The right for mercy. (Sigh)