Covert Incest Survivors Welcome?
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Covert Incest Survivors Welcome?
- Thread starterhealium
- Start date
Grunty1967b
Registrant
Hello Healium,
I'm glad you've found this site, but also sad that you needed to.
Like most people here, you'll find there's great comfort in knowing that the abuse that happended was wrong, that you are not alone, and that the way in which it has affected you is not unique (in that for most of us we also feel that we are the only ones that feel the way we do).
I must admit up until today, I had never heard of "Covert Incest" but the ramifications I'm sure are pretty much the same. So from that perspective, you should find lots of support and growth here.
I did find another site that may also help you, It's "https://www.covertincest.org/". They obviously deal specifically with the type of abuse that you had to endure.
What I've found is that it's vary rare to find the type of support that just hits the mark exactly as to what you are trying to deal with. I make the exception of this group here at Male Survivor. It is jusy SO spot on for me. My advice would be, stick around here if you can. I'm sure you'll get lots out of it. I'd also encourage you to persue any other other groups you can find that will appear to assist you in your recovery.
You've taken these first great steps in speaking out, and seeking help for yourself. As hurtful as it may be from time to time, keep on doing that. The shame and pain you may feel are all part of the growth process and a better life awaits you. Trust me! And of course, yes, I still have lots of pain myself and have many issues to work through, but working through it is better than staying silent any longer.
Great to have you here!
I'm glad you've found this site, but also sad that you needed to.
Like most people here, you'll find there's great comfort in knowing that the abuse that happended was wrong, that you are not alone, and that the way in which it has affected you is not unique (in that for most of us we also feel that we are the only ones that feel the way we do).
I must admit up until today, I had never heard of "Covert Incest" but the ramifications I'm sure are pretty much the same. So from that perspective, you should find lots of support and growth here.
I did find another site that may also help you, It's "https://www.covertincest.org/". They obviously deal specifically with the type of abuse that you had to endure.
What I've found is that it's vary rare to find the type of support that just hits the mark exactly as to what you are trying to deal with. I make the exception of this group here at Male Survivor. It is jusy SO spot on for me. My advice would be, stick around here if you can. I'm sure you'll get lots out of it. I'd also encourage you to persue any other other groups you can find that will appear to assist you in your recovery.
You've taken these first great steps in speaking out, and seeking help for yourself. As hurtful as it may be from time to time, keep on doing that. The shame and pain you may feel are all part of the growth process and a better life awaits you. Trust me! And of course, yes, I still have lots of pain myself and have many issues to work through, but working through it is better than staying silent any longer.
Great to have you here!
Thanks. And I checked out the site you mentioned, and i will spend time there, but you know, there is something about the freedom of just talking with men. I've isolated myself from men. I let myself be respected but that's it. I understand that it is the effects of the abuse that has kept me from allowing myself to be known.
So, thanks again for the welcome.
So, thanks again for the welcome.
Healium
I just looked at that site as well because it's something I knew nothing about, and I can imagine the combination of both overt and covert abuse from different people could cause particular problems.
Anyway, we're here to support and help wherever we can, and if you need any help the Mod team are always willing to help.
Dave
I just looked at that site as well because it's something I knew nothing about, and I can imagine the combination of both overt and covert abuse from different people could cause particular problems.
Anyway, we're here to support and help wherever we can, and if you need any help the Mod team are always willing to help.
Dave
Healium,
I want to repeat what was said. I am glad you found this place but sry you need to look for it.
I hope you will feel comfortable here and find a place to talk about things. Take your time and go at your own pace.
I too was abused by my mother when I was 5 or 6.
If there is anything I can do to help or if you have any questions please do not hesitate to pm me.
Take care and welcome.
Jonathan
I want to repeat what was said. I am glad you found this place but sry you need to look for it.
I hope you will feel comfortable here and find a place to talk about things. Take your time and go at your own pace.
I too was abused by my mother when I was 5 or 6.
If there is anything I can do to help or if you have any questions please do not hesitate to pm me.
Take care and welcome.
Jonathan
Hello, I would like to add my welcome to you.
I am not certain I fully understand what is meant by 'covert incest'. Is that like a family member making inappropriate, sexualized comments, or placing a child into an adult role? If so, I can relate to you in that respect, as my mother engaged in such behaviors as well. (OK, nevermind that, I looked at that website, and yes, I can relate to you; and it is just as much betrayal as 'overt abuse').
I hope that between that other site and this one, you can find answers, support, and help with healing from the past. Good luck.
Leosha
I am not certain I fully understand what is meant by 'covert incest'. Is that like a family member making inappropriate, sexualized comments, or placing a child into an adult role? If so, I can relate to you in that respect, as my mother engaged in such behaviors as well. (OK, nevermind that, I looked at that website, and yes, I can relate to you; and it is just as much betrayal as 'overt abuse').
I hope that between that other site and this one, you can find answers, support, and help with healing from the past. Good luck.
Leosha
To Leosha and Dave and Jonathan,
Thank you so much for the welcomes and thanks in particular for checking out www.covertincest.org to find out what it is. It makes my world less small and alienating.
And yes Leosha, it is a parent making inappropriate comments and placing a chid in an adult-like psychological relationship with them. It is a parent saying "I love you so much, you're so special" but using the child for an emotional and sexual charge. The parent seduces the child with sexual energy and emotional connection and the separation btw child and parent becomes blended. The result is the consistent abandonment of emotional needs with the child living inside of a distorted perception of the relationship never getting their needs met, tons of shame from a secret they can't identify, and a boatload of issues to deal with in adulthood in their attempts to break free from the parent that was apparently so good to them.
It's an unbelievably pervasive spirit, body and mind manipulation. For those that read this and want an excellent little read to see if it fits for them, Ken Adams' "Silently Seduced" is a great help.
This relationship with my mother set the stage for me to put myself in vulnerable situations to be overtly sexually abused both as an 8 year old and at 20. I was incredibly needy and "abuse me" it was written on my forehead.
Healium
It
Thank you so much for the welcomes and thanks in particular for checking out www.covertincest.org to find out what it is. It makes my world less small and alienating.
And yes Leosha, it is a parent making inappropriate comments and placing a chid in an adult-like psychological relationship with them. It is a parent saying "I love you so much, you're so special" but using the child for an emotional and sexual charge. The parent seduces the child with sexual energy and emotional connection and the separation btw child and parent becomes blended. The result is the consistent abandonment of emotional needs with the child living inside of a distorted perception of the relationship never getting their needs met, tons of shame from a secret they can't identify, and a boatload of issues to deal with in adulthood in their attempts to break free from the parent that was apparently so good to them.
It's an unbelievably pervasive spirit, body and mind manipulation. For those that read this and want an excellent little read to see if it fits for them, Ken Adams' "Silently Seduced" is a great help.
This relationship with my mother set the stage for me to put myself in vulnerable situations to be overtly sexually abused both as an 8 year old and at 20. I was incredibly needy and "abuse me" it was written on my forehead.
Healium
It
Geez - Not only are you welcome, you've just put a name on something I'd been dealing with all my life. I checked out the site too and fit the description to a T. Oddly enough, while I've been dealing with my abuse over the last 18 months, or so, I had identified my mother's unhealthy ways and had taken steps to make changes, in fact I had done exactly what www.covertincest.org suggested before I'd ever even heard of them. And guess what...it worked. I actually get along with my mother (and my father) better now than ever and on MY TERMS!! I did set limits, I also separated from them both for a while. They (she) got the message though it had to be repeated numerous times. Thanks for being here and offering me a new insight. - John
John,
Glad it offered a piece to puzzle. That takes a ton a strength to set limits, and to keep setting limits with a parent. You know it! Heroic!
Just a word of caution though: I have seen how many people, and myself, get excited over the insight, but post-insight let the issue slip back down into the basement. Incestuous sounds alot like insidious. Loving and having compassion for the parent goes along with some very difficult and confusing feelings. CI victims have a hard time having both co-exist, and who wants to see their mother as incestuous?
Maybe pick up the little book "Silently Seduced" by Ken Adams as precaution. I just don't want this to mess up the great things you have going in your life.
Commited to healing,
Healium,
Peace
Glad it offered a piece to puzzle. That takes a ton a strength to set limits, and to keep setting limits with a parent. You know it! Heroic!
Just a word of caution though: I have seen how many people, and myself, get excited over the insight, but post-insight let the issue slip back down into the basement. Incestuous sounds alot like insidious. Loving and having compassion for the parent goes along with some very difficult and confusing feelings. CI victims have a hard time having both co-exist, and who wants to see their mother as incestuous?
Maybe pick up the little book "Silently Seduced" by Ken Adams as precaution. I just don't want this to mess up the great things you have going in your life.
Commited to healing,
Healium,
Peace