sportinrucks,
If you used to be more spontaneous and assertive than you are now, then the question arises: what happened?
If this is abuse-related (and perhaps it isn't), then could it be that this change arises from efforts you are making to deal with recovery issues? I went through a stage, for example, where I felt I was making progress, but, ironically enough, the whole world seemed more dangerous. I had difficulty coping with so many things that hadn't been a problem earlier.
Looking back, I can see this was because I was letting down my defenses and allowing myself to feel again. All the emotions I had been bottling up for years felt like they were crashing over me like a wave.
When you say this:
It is very frustrating to say the least because I am doing it to myself. I face fear and self doubt wherever I go and it does not go away.
I wonder if what you are "doing to yourself" is exactly the same thing. It sounds like you know what you have to do and are facing the way ahead and trying to allow yourself to really SEE how you feel.
Recovery is often like that, and that's why it becomes so difficult. We have to step forward even in the face of all our fears from childhood, which are telling us this won't work.
But it does work, my friend. That I can promise you.
Much love,
Larry
