Could use a little insight...
I have an *ahem* interesting situation at work that I could use a male survivor's (or his co-survivor S.O.'s) input on.
There is a man at work whom is generally very humourous, intelligent and easy-going -- a pleasure to work with. However, occassionally he will appear to be in a slightly depressed mood and (during our work breaks)begin talking to anyone nearby about how abusive (physical battering) his family and childhood were. For the most part, everyone seems to ignore him or makes him the butt of the "you're-just-so-weird" ilk of jokes... as a female abuse survivor, it has gotten to be more than I can bear to stand-by and see happening. I have defended him in quiet ways and I have tried to respond to his admissions in a way that would let him know that someone IS listening... He does then, however, tend to shy away, but then I'll catch him watching me/looking to see where I am, he seems especially interested anytime I show a small kindness or generous gesture to another co-worker.
Some background: We have only worked together a few months, but I have worked at this place for over 3 years and know a lot of the staff well enough to kid around and flirt with some air of confidence... and am fairly well known for a NO-BS attitude.
He's mid-30ies, but spends a lot convos reliving his High School glory days (with and without the abusiveness he endured). He's single and lives alone (and does give the impression of being lonely and isolated) with his family in the area.
I don't know what -- if anything --
I should do that could help him. He sems to want to talk, then he retreats. I feel like I'm trying to coax a wild stallion in out of a storm and all I can think to do is stand there in the rain quietly, and see if he'll come over.
Should I even be trying? Am I being to egotistical in thinking that I could help by giving him a sounding board? If not, how can I let him know I am willing to listen and (maybe)that have been there too.
Should I just forget saying anything? If it didn't make me sad enough to hear him and want to tell him he is worthwhile and whomever hurt him was so very wrong... I would just step aside and let it pass. But it has bothered me enought to come find this board and register to ask you.
Anyone willing to comment?
*** ugh, just re-read that and it sounds like a bad budding romance novel! (forgive me, LOL!) But, please understand that while I admit I could be attracted to him in another time & place, it's just not an issue in the cards right now. And I would tell him to come here, but he apparently has no computer or net access***
There is a man at work whom is generally very humourous, intelligent and easy-going -- a pleasure to work with. However, occassionally he will appear to be in a slightly depressed mood and (during our work breaks)begin talking to anyone nearby about how abusive (physical battering) his family and childhood were. For the most part, everyone seems to ignore him or makes him the butt of the "you're-just-so-weird" ilk of jokes... as a female abuse survivor, it has gotten to be more than I can bear to stand-by and see happening. I have defended him in quiet ways and I have tried to respond to his admissions in a way that would let him know that someone IS listening... He does then, however, tend to shy away, but then I'll catch him watching me/looking to see where I am, he seems especially interested anytime I show a small kindness or generous gesture to another co-worker.
Some background: We have only worked together a few months, but I have worked at this place for over 3 years and know a lot of the staff well enough to kid around and flirt with some air of confidence... and am fairly well known for a NO-BS attitude.
He's mid-30ies, but spends a lot convos reliving his High School glory days (with and without the abusiveness he endured). He's single and lives alone (and does give the impression of being lonely and isolated) with his family in the area.
I don't know what -- if anything --
I should do that could help him. He sems to want to talk, then he retreats. I feel like I'm trying to coax a wild stallion in out of a storm and all I can think to do is stand there in the rain quietly, and see if he'll come over.
Should I even be trying? Am I being to egotistical in thinking that I could help by giving him a sounding board? If not, how can I let him know I am willing to listen and (maybe)that have been there too.
Should I just forget saying anything? If it didn't make me sad enough to hear him and want to tell him he is worthwhile and whomever hurt him was so very wrong... I would just step aside and let it pass. But it has bothered me enought to come find this board and register to ask you.
Anyone willing to comment?
*** ugh, just re-read that and it sounds like a bad budding romance novel! (forgive me, LOL!) But, please understand that while I admit I could be attracted to him in another time & place, it's just not an issue in the cards right now. And I would tell him to come here, but he apparently has no computer or net access***