I am a gay man and have always been. What happened to me did not turn me gay and just because of my sexuality, I did not seek out what happened to me either, albeit it was over a number of years. However, that said, I still make bad choices in relationships and I have 3 failed long-term relationships. I have always ended up with domineering men who have made me feel belittled and unworthy and things have always turned abusive, be it psychologically and/or physically. It tends to build up until I'm worn down and it's too late. I have low self esteem and have had addiction issues and yet to find a place of recovery. I lost my job through drug use and this has made me even more trapped in an abusive relationship. I still have issues with alcohol and try for periods of sobriety with some success. Am I the one at fault, am I the wrongdoer, do I do things to attract these type of men (always older)? Is this a pattern that survivors of long term abuse fall in to? There are often ways for heterosexual women to escape but for a gay man there seems to be no facility to seek help. I feel very isolated and alone with no one to turn to. I do not have family as I grew up in care and moving around all my life has meant I have few friends nearby. Outwardly I am a regular guy but inside I am sad, lonely and confused. When things in the house go well it is fine but when they take a turn I end up feeling humiliated, dishonoured, disgraced. Are there any sources of help someone can recommend in the UK please?