Correspondance with myself (POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!)
crisispoint
Registrant
Having been inspired (not pushed, David! 
), I tried letting the 11-year-old write. He still feels guilty.
Scot,
I'm sorry. I was scared. He was going to hurt me.
Why did I do the bad things?
Love,
Scot
The little guy was still blaming himself (like I was, like I still do sometimes). What to say?
Scotty,
You didn't do the bad things. Mr. Price did them to you. He took advantage of you. He hurt you.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, my tiny man. I said it before. You are my hero,
Love,
Scot
Note that I called him "Scotty." Little Scotty always tried to be a man so much, tried to measure up to what his father wanted, that he never allowed himself to be a kid. His @$$hole classmates didn't help either. He needed me to treat him like a kid again. To show it was all right.
He wrote back.
Scot,
I wish I were you when he did this to me. He never would've done this to you.
Love,
Scotty
Again, how to respond?
Scotty,
I am now BECAUSE of you. I am nothing special. I was nothing special until I met you again. You are the special one, not me, honey.
Love,
Scot
Scot,
Do you still love me? Was I wrong? It felt so good. He said he loved me. Why did he do the rest to me? Didn't I love him enough?
Love,
Scotty
Scotty,
I love you. I'll always love you. Of course it felt good. You felt like you were special. You felt really grown up. Maybe he did love you, and I know you loved him, but he was wrong. You weren't wrong. You needed to feel loved, and he did that for you. I guess I'm grateful for that part, but the rest, well, we didn't need that.
Please don't feel like you're to blame. I don't blame you, my tiny man, I love you. And that's for real.
Love,
Scot
Scot,
You hugged me like you meant it. It was different. It was like when Mom hugged me.
Would she love me if she knew?
Love,
Scotty
Dear Scot,
I'm sorry to say that, by the time you reach 37, Mom will be gone for going on five years. I never told her. But she knows now. I talk to her every day. (Actually, she knew the day she went to be with Jesus, and didn't tell me until I remembered). Guess what though? She loves us the same. She feels to blame too that we didn't tell her. I told her that she was not to blame either (from both of us). She's happy about that. And she's very proud of you.
Everyone who matters loves you pal. Because you are lovable.
Scot
Dear Scot,
I love you.
Love,
Scotty
Dear Scotty,
I love you too.
I'm glad we're together again.
Scot
Peace to you all, and thanks for putting up with this.
Scot
), I tried letting the 11-year-old write. He still feels guilty.Scot,
I'm sorry. I was scared. He was going to hurt me.
Why did I do the bad things?
Love,
Scot
The little guy was still blaming himself (like I was, like I still do sometimes). What to say?
Scotty,
You didn't do the bad things. Mr. Price did them to you. He took advantage of you. He hurt you.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, my tiny man. I said it before. You are my hero,
Love,
Scot
Note that I called him "Scotty." Little Scotty always tried to be a man so much, tried to measure up to what his father wanted, that he never allowed himself to be a kid. His @$$hole classmates didn't help either. He needed me to treat him like a kid again. To show it was all right.
He wrote back.
Scot,
I wish I were you when he did this to me. He never would've done this to you.
Love,
Scotty
Again, how to respond?
Scotty,
I am now BECAUSE of you. I am nothing special. I was nothing special until I met you again. You are the special one, not me, honey.
Love,
Scot
Scot,
Do you still love me? Was I wrong? It felt so good. He said he loved me. Why did he do the rest to me? Didn't I love him enough?
Love,
Scotty
Scotty,
I love you. I'll always love you. Of course it felt good. You felt like you were special. You felt really grown up. Maybe he did love you, and I know you loved him, but he was wrong. You weren't wrong. You needed to feel loved, and he did that for you. I guess I'm grateful for that part, but the rest, well, we didn't need that.
Please don't feel like you're to blame. I don't blame you, my tiny man, I love you. And that's for real.
Love,
Scot
Scot,
You hugged me like you meant it. It was different. It was like when Mom hugged me.
Would she love me if she knew?
Love,
Scotty
Dear Scot,
I'm sorry to say that, by the time you reach 37, Mom will be gone for going on five years. I never told her. But she knows now. I talk to her every day. (Actually, she knew the day she went to be with Jesus, and didn't tell me until I remembered). Guess what though? She loves us the same. She feels to blame too that we didn't tell her. I told her that she was not to blame either (from both of us). She's happy about that. And she's very proud of you.
Everyone who matters loves you pal. Because you are lovable.
Scot
Dear Scot,
I love you.
Love,
Scotty
Dear Scotty,
I love you too.
I'm glad we're together again.
Scot
Peace to you all, and thanks for putting up with this.
Scot