Coping with knowing my abuser gets released in 02/2004

Coping with knowing my abuser gets released in 02/2004
M

mattandrew

Registrant
I know I have been gone for some time now and I have not been active on here but I am still alive and kickin.I am in the process of dealing and getting things in order for when my abuser gets released on February 29,2004 there are a lot of things running thru the old processor (the brain) at this point about this date and release of my abuser from the clutches of the Florida State Corrections.My abuser has been in custody/parole since the beginnings of the 1990's and i do not know the state of mind my abuser is in nor do i know what he is thinking in regards to his release or how he feels about myself and the original reason why he was put into custody in the first place.

I don't know as if my abuser knows where i live or what my life is now but,I would rather not take the chance of knowing either.I am a survivor but a smart survivor at that and am thinking of going underground so to speak until such time i can confirm my safety and my families safety as well.My abuser brought his conviction upon himself along with his sentence thru the courts but his original thought and statement to me was if i ever told anyone or if he was to go to prison he would end my life,I do not think i can trust the courts to protect me and my family from whatever actions my abuser may do after release due to his military background and past threats so i will remain a member of this organization and will renew my membership when it comes time this next year but,i may not be as active as i wish to be until such time that i think i am safe and until such time i beleive my abuser will not have access to me or personal information about me.

This is something i have always been concerned with since my abusers incarceration no matter what anyone else says or what any therapist says i must do what is right for me as i know no one person can be protected thru means of a piece of paper.My abuser is a family member so it makes it all that much more tougher to deal with due to knowing the train of mind my abuser was in when he went to prison,so many years have come and gone since then but one thing is for sure i will remain a survivor to the end,does this mean i am running from dealing with this head on of course not but,it has come time that i now face this my own way on my own terms not the courts way as they have been proven to me to be non-productive and they do not care to beleive an abused male,as they said i wanted to be abused,boy what i would give to rip someone a new one if they said that to my face especially after all i have had to deal with physically after the abuse which was caused by the abuse.

Just a few thoughts running thru my data bank so far in regards to this,I am sure there will be more to come as the time draws closer for my abusers release.
 
Mattandrew, you surely do need to keep safe. Might it be wise to change your Fl location on your profile? Maybe you would want to register under a very different name if you feel he might come to a place like this looking for you.

Let us all know what we might do to support you are the time draws closer.

Bob
 
Matt
it's good to hear from you again, and nice to know you still come here for support. I hope we can give you some.

I think you're doing the right thing to prepare yourself for his release - especially as he's a family member, he might know how to find other family members very easily.

I would recommend talking to the 'authorities' and getting advice, maybe if he's getting out on parole there will be strict conditions to his release. Here in the UK when a sex offender is released they normally stay on the Sex Offenders Register for the rest of their days. So they have to live under 'some degree' of police scrutiny.
Also, there might be ways of issuing some kind of 'Order' to ban him from entering your neighbourhood.
It's worth looking at legal things, it all helps to make life difficult for him.

But please stick around Matt, there's strength in numbers.

Dave
 
Matt,

I think you are doing the right things, viz preparing for the SOB's release. You have to do what you must to stay safe. I surely hope you find a way to stick around here in a way that you are protected. We'd miss you... :)

As for how to psychologically prepare for his release, well, the only thing I can relate with is my own experiences, which is my abuser is still out there. As far as I know, he's never been to jail and he is still very much alive. Granted, I was a child when he abused me, but I am very terrified at the prospect of running into him. Even though he's much older now, and I could defend myself, I am in terror of him.

What do I do? I don't know. I imagine I'd be very afraid of him, angry with him, want to kill him, run away, etc. All of them are valid responses. The best thing that you can do is what you're doing now. And remember, if you do see him, if he does decide to persue you in some way, you have the right to defend yourself. A restraining order might be the ticket for starters. Certainly calling the police if you ever feel threatened is an option. Is he getting out on a time release (end of sentance) or is he on some sort of probation? With probation, you have some leeway of putting him back behind bars if he threatens you. Which, by the way, will probably be enough to keep him away from you.

HArdly comforting, I know. I am thinking about you, praying for you, and hoping you will be safe and here.

Peace and love, my brother.

Scot
 
Hi Mattandrew:
Good to see you posting again. As somebody who works with abusers, let me say that I've never met an abuser who wanted to put himself back in prison again for revenge or any other reason. By the time someone comes out of prison, whatever reasons they had for settling scores is much outweighed by the fear of going back.

Usually, parole supervision, especially for sexual offenders, is so strict, any contact with former victims, children, etc. is very much prohibited and contact with those who should not be contacted is really followed.

It is understandable that you or anyone who is in a similar position would worry about getting harassed or revictimized, but it has been my experience that these guys just want to get on with their lives and not get revenge.

Of course, I don't know your abuser and can only speculate. However, please bear in mind that I have been dealing with these guys for 25 years now and I can't recall a single parolee who was really crazy and wanted to go after his victim.

I don't believe it is necessary to change your identity or hide to protect yourself. Is he on parole or did he "max out" and is under no supervision? Parole officers are very tough on these guys and generally run them ragged with conditions. Let the PO know that you are concerned about retaliation or revenge. If your abuser has been in treatment, that should help protect you as well. However, even if he hasn't, the fear of consequences for violating parole is usually strong enough for these guys to do whatever they need to stay out of jail.

Take care,
Ken
 
Thank you all for responding to my post,it is very difficult to cope alone,no man should have to live in isolation or in fear of another person.

As Ken Singer asked along with some of the rest of you's,my abuser has "Maxed Out" after three years correctional of a original sentence of 7 years in which he was released in the early stretch of his sentence in the 1990's.My abuser has been on probation since then and my abuser is a registered sex offender however,there is only so much law enforcement agents can do to enforce registration to such lists,i do not trust the sex offender lists as a person can beat the system and get around the checks and balances placed upon them per the courts.Too many cases in the courts and too few judges to work them along with DA'S this is where the problem is created.

There is only so much enforcement that can be done in regards to community notification when a sex offender gets released completely from the corrections department of the state judicial system.I do not trust Restraining orders placed upon a person by the courts,that is like handing a license to a person with a gun and asking them to not act upon their thoughts or emotional state of mind it is just a piece of paper which can be violated before any law enforcement agent has the chance to respond to protect the individual with the restraining order.

Any other thoughts in regard to this would be appreciated.
 
Mattandrew,

I think if I were you I'd lay low for awhile after your perp's release and then see which way the wind blows. Is there someone in your family you can completely trust, who could give you some idea of your perp's state of mind once he has been free of custody for two or three months? It would also be good to know if your perp had asked anyone in the family about you. You might talk to everyone in your family either individually or as a group (or write them all a letter) telling them of your perp's vow to take revenge, his threats, etc. and asking them to let you know if he says anything about you or your family. Now would be the time to start contacting your family. As the holidays approach most of us are thinking about even distant family members so no one is likely to be surprised to hear from you. Ken Singer is probably right that most perps want to just get on with their lives after completing their sentences. Very likely you have nothing to fear. Still it wouldn't hurt to exercise some caution.

Mary
 
Matt
I think there's a lot of good advice there, and I also think Ken's right - if someones done a stretch for sex offences they don't want to go back.
But we all know some do, BUT I would hazard a guess that those who go back to jail go back for further sexual offences, not revenge attacks.

Mary has some good ideas, use your family to protect you -if at all possible.
The chances are that he's not liked at all within the family, so maybe more people are on your side than you think.
When push comes to shove I think the perp loses everytime.
Do some groundwork and get the family onside, see which of them will be a good source of information,Family ties go deep Matt, and they might just surprise you.

Dave
 
Matt, have you checked with the "victims' assistance" on the FL DOC website? The website address is www.dc.state.fl.us Maybe if you contact that agency they can advise you. Or else the inmate's classification officer might be able to advise you? I have some experience with these agencies, and have found them to be helpful.
 
I understand your fears for your safety, I think they are very valid fears. I do not know what will be the case, if he will know where you are or such, but I hope that you do what you can to preserve safety of yourself and family. I am very proud to know that you are one who was able to get abuser put into jail, as I am someone who is not capable of doing that, or not right now. I hope that all will be safe for you, and that you will be able to go through remainder of your life without having to look over shoulder to him, or worry of him. I wish you luck, now and always.

leosha
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top