Coping with abuse

Coping with abuse
H

holla123

New Registrant
Hello-

I am 22 year old black male coping with the realization that I was sexually abused by an older stepbrother when I was younger. No one knows this and I have never told my mother, but I am on the verge of telling her.

As a result of this abuse, I struggle with improper emotions and issues of dealing with looking at pornography. Does anyone have any suggestions or things I should consider before I share this devastating news with my mother?
 
Holla123,

First of all, I want to say welcome. I am sorry you had to find this place, but welcome to our "fraternity"!

Secondly, I urge you to wait a little before you tell your mom. I just feel in your words that you needed to tell SOMEONE!. You have told us. Just want you to be safe before you tell her.

There are a lot of emotions and thoughts swirling through your head, I am sure.

We are here for you. Take some time to get a bit of perspective on this. I know it's overwhelming, but you are amongst people that understand.

Just my opinion. But welcome!!!

Marc
 
holla123,

we are always glad to see another member find their way to this site, I welcome you. First off, it is so hard to deal with these emotions when they are so fresh in your mind, but you can have some peace of mind in knowing we have been through a similar experience to yourself.

It may be best that you read the articles on this site, concerning disclosure before telling your mother, as you may not get the response you think you are after, it is a very sensitive area.

There will be a lot for you to go through, and you may identify with some of your emotions, through the posts of others,

Again I welcome you, but sorry you have to be here,

ste
 
Holla
I would wait a little while before saying anything.

The thing you need most now is support, and naturally you're looking to your mother for that support.
Which is a good thing.

But maybe if you are in possession of more facts and information before doing so you will be able to answer some of the questions she will surely ask you.

Perhaps 'trying it out' on us will clear up some of the confusion you must be feeling.

It's a difficult and slow task recovering from sex abuse, sorry to have to tell you that, but there's no magic pill! Instead there's hard work and usually therapy.
But it's worth it, we do go on to live our lives as we want to live them, not as our abusers made us live them.

But the choice is ultimately yours.

Stick around at MS though, we've got the best support, friendship and help in the business.
And if you need any help at all the Moderators are here to help.

Dave
 
Holla you have received lots of great information from all the guys above and I can add nothing more.

I am terribly sorry for what has brought you here but am glad that you have found us.

As was said the first thing is to tell someone and you have. We cannot beging to understand how it has affected you but we know how it has affected each and everyone here.

The important thing to remember is that now you are no longer alone and that is never was your fault ever. Nor your shame or guilt. It belongs to your step-brother.

As Llody says try it all out on us before you proceed further at home.

We are all in this together ok.
 
Holla,

I agree with whats been said. I understand the need to talk. Find someone you know will be receptive and supportive. You can talk to us or you can try a close friend. I guess I'm speaking from experience but my mother wouldn't be my first choice.

Good luck with what ever you choose.

Peace,

Dave
 
Hello Holla, and welcome here. I am sorry that you have had need to find us. But as always, I am glad that this site is available and welcome to people for help.

I agree with everyone here who has suggested that you wait before talking with your mother about this. I am someone who discovered the 'hard way' that sometime the reaction when we tell loved ones is not the most supportive and understanding. I have been fortunate with most people, but my own mother was rather not supporting for a while. It was a time I was needing positive support, and specifically from her. If I had it to choose again, I would have waited longer to tell her. Please try to take care of yourself, and make sure that you are ready for any possible reaction she may give you. Protect yourself from further emotional hurt.

I wish you well, and good luck.

leosha
 
Well I've been there. Its not an easy thing to deal with. I think our instinct wants to tell somebody, and we think our family is the best choice. When in fact it isn't--at least not right off. I've had to tell a very close friend first. Then wait a while. Come to grips with the situation.

I haven't told my mother yet, because I don't think she'll believe me. She'll probably think its my fault or something. But I'll be okay. Take time for yourself first. You're the one that matters
 
HeadsUp
welcome to MS.
None of us want to be here, but if we've been abused then this is the best place to be for support and help.

What you did, telling your friend, was a brave and liberating thing to do. Telling your family will happen when you are ready to do so.

We can't work to someone else's plan, we disclose when we're ready, we heal at our pace. However long it takes is the time it takes, but healing is a reality.

Stick around, we're on your side.

Dave
 
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