Cool ... I think

[Bowierocks]

I don't mean to gloat but things have gotten way better between my wife and myself .. Totally bizarre and wonderful . It's been about 5 weeks so I think this is real .. She was suffering from caretakers fatigue in which I felt she wasn't there for me or listening etc . It unfortunately drove me outside the marriage which is not something I ever wanted but I needed someone to share the pain with . Just days and days of arguments with he common theme that she is well and I am sick , and any issue that came up was -go talk about it your therapist ... She started sleeping in a separate bed, less sex . She would put her headphones mid conversation or worse pretend she was asleep and I felt completely invalidated .

One day she ACTUALLY ended up sleeping for three days. Scared me to death as thought she hAd a seizure or something weird . AnywaY she woke up and said she had a profound vision . The next day she goes to this shaman and gets reiki. Comes back glowing and says she is better and she can cure me despite what everyone said . That I don't have to be alone and she begins reiki on me . At first I get all these flashbacks of him choking me when she put her hands near my throat or just profound pain . But I feel better and all the affection has returned to our relationship . However , it is better than no ever . It is like we fall in love again . At first I was really suspicious as I am thinking that perhaps she is having an affair and maybe compensating out of guilt . I mean she starts wearing makeup for the first time in five years and has this glow about her after being gone for a few hours studying with this shaman . .. So I read her emails ( yes , bad ) and thing obvious but see she has told this mentor / shaman basically all these bad things about me . There is no response and it is just flow of consciousness so it upsets me , but after confrontation , I believe her that that it is of No consequence. I tell her to stop seeing the mentor as I felt like some of it was boundary crossing and she agrees ..

.. But this is bizarre as I feel eons better as if she is no longer disengaging and we are together again . I felt like something that was missing is now found . ... my therapist thinks we are codependent , but I don't agree with that . What's wrong with profound love and needing someone to feel at peace ? Yes , I realize that serentity lies only in oneself as we cannot control a others , but my relationship is the meaning of my life ultimately. What's wrong with finally having a secure attachment that has been missing for 4 decades ? Isn't that how we get better - love . Why make it a pathology ? Why is it so bad to take care of one another ? .. I feel like psychiatry has almost done us more harm than good as her therapist kept on telling her to form stronger boundaries , which seems to be the modern day mantra .... but , honestly , something miraculous has happened and as An MD

 

[Bowierocks]

Sorry if some typos , my iPad is broken . I was going to say as an MD , I can be skeptical of alternative methods of healing , but also paradoxically open as the more I know , the more I realize we don't have much of an idea of how things actually work . I also think that one has to follow their own inner voice in terms of how to get better and although well meaning , therapists are often just voicing their opinion and occasionally it can cause more harm than good . . I mean I think I got a double hit with not only feeling all alone in my struggle , but my wife also getting a message to put up more definitive boundaries which may not have been the best time to do it . We all need to take care of ourselves ultimately , but there are times when the right thing to do is grant someone charity .

 

[Ceremony]

We share a common hope for our partner to embrace the close bond of love and companionship. I hope yours continues, and 5 weeks is heartening and a wonderful amount of time to grow on.

I too find that I endure misguided therapist interactions. I think some lack the sensitivity to understand the whole picture of any client and what you shared shows that. There seem to be mixed results, and my experiences weigh as a burden. There's hope, but it's not fair.

Best wishes to you.

 

[Sterling]

Hey Bowie ....if it works for the two of you.....fuck the
psychiatrist.

Just sending some support!

James

 

[WontGiveUp]

I second James

I am so happy to read this Bowie!!! What a lovely experience. I can honestly say too, that sleep is so critical to EVERYTHING... with out it, things that would never be a problem can be monsterous. I have chronic sleep issues, and can totally relate.

I am so happy that things are looking up for you. I have learned that you gotta go with what works. And sometimes that takes risk, and sometimes it can mean people give you the side eye since they dont know how to respond. Good on you for this! I am not a religious person, but my mom was, and my dad is. My dad finds great strength, comfort and hope in his beliefs. Even though they are contrary to my own, I respect that he has them and that he gets so much from them. I believe we can get healing from where we allow it to come. I am so happy you both have found a way to connect and start to heal together.

 

[Bowierocks]

Thanks all, it keeps on getting stronger so I encourage partners and survivors to stick it out with their significant others .. CSA has few gifts , but one that I have found has gotten me to a higher level of intimacy by the challenge it poses. I think ultimately if one can survive it , it leads to expanded empathy and compassion as I understand others pain and do not want them to feel alone .

 

[bluesky]

This is beautiful!!! Love is not about boundries it's about letting someone in beeing vulnerable and yet preserving your autonomy at the same time marriage is not a business partnership if it is then in my experience it fails. I love that you as a MD are willing to be open to this even though the sorce is unconventional.
I am a acupucturist and have see and do very unconventional alternative treatments for many different problems that come through my door but as I always say if it works why should any one care how as long as it is safe. Your love sounds safe so more power to you keep loving and tell the psychiatrist to get off his horse and get some raiki and stop taking his own pills and start loving.
Good luck!!!!

 

[Bowierocks]

Thanks Blue Sky ,
I always liked practioners that think outside the box and try to myself despite the confines of the slogan ' community standards ' and evidence based medicine ' puts upon us ..I think Jung talks about true knowledge being from a source that we really can't understand . In this case my wife went into herself and gained an introverted gnosis , whereas I think by trying to reach out to people am striving for an extraverted gnosis . Things are still going well with occasional undulations but nothing like it used to be ... I like acupuncture . . No matter how wired I am my acupuncturist can knock me out in 5 minutes flat . . Curiously enough she just exclaimed when she saw me ' Dan , you have trauma ( she is from China ) ? ' , not sure how she knew but beat 30 years worth of psychiatrists .