Contamination

[EGL]

In the couple of months I've been seeing my therapist, I believe he has begun to understand me pretty well. During our last session, he noted that we will need to work on ways to help me break free of my feeling of "contamination".

I hadn't really thought of it in that sense of the word, but he's correct. I do feel contaminated. My thought process is such that I wonder why people don't flee from my presence, as though I have some disease. But I don't have a disease. My contamination is feeling like the trash I've always felt like all my life, regardless of achievement, regardless of compliment, just regardless.

Contaminated. That's a very descript word to describe the feeling. I feel contaminated.

 

[Ivo]

Eddie,
your therapist found very good word.
We are all more or less contaminated with that bad attitude toward ourselves no matter how successful are we in other aspects of our lives.


Ivo

 

[outis]

Eddie,

I agree with Ivo. That's exactly the right word. I remember an episode of the "X-Files" where some oily stuff was getting "into" people. It was supposed to be an alien life form or something. I have pictured the abuse effects in me like that evil oil. That image comes to mind often in the shower, and I wish I could just wash it out. Other times I have taken a less healthy approach to getting it out, too.

Thanks,

Joe

 

Eddie,

I agree with these guys. Contaminated is a good word for this.

It's making a lot of sense to me. I feel toxic sometimes, because I feel like something that HazMat should get rid of. Not even fit for a landfill.

My T is trying to guide me in accepting myself as I am. She sees the struggle I have with compliments. The struggle with facing the real truth about me.

I think your T is on the right track. And I am glad you have him.

Marc

 

[Leosha]

Contamination is interesting word. Because, to me, it says of something damaged, dirty, something that need to be thrown out because it is too bad to have or use more.

A friend here mention once of how we are like this beautiful piece of art that someone has spilled coffee or something on. There is a stain. Not permanent one, but a darkness over the picture. But still, you can see the beauty of the art underneath. And it can be repaired, and restored to beautiful and clean. I think THAT is us. All of us.

Leosha

 

[reality2k4]

Leosha,

your friend utters fine words.

Eddie,

We were all beautiful beings, contaminated, yes, I felt contaminated, still do, but there is that beauty, problem is, we find it so hard to see, but others we meet tell us it there, confusing.

We need to drop this thing, but it is hard when it manifests for so many years, eating away, at our heart and soul, it is not so easy to throw away the mantle, and feel a little better about ourselves.

And No, you are not "contaminated", nor are any of us, hope you can break free,

take care

ste