Contact with perp
Contact with perp
- Thread starterPjc2124
- Start date
I've never had to deal with an abuser so close at hand. You would probably need to consider the cost/benefit of a head on confrontation with him. Considering it would devastate your mum, unless the situation is preventing your recovery it may be better to continue to ignore it. But if it is interfering with your emotional well being, or any progress in healing from the CSA I think you should definitely confront him. Sometime you just have to have a ME consideration instead of what's best for the family.
One of my abusers was a cousin who I rarely see except for funerals for family members. For our grandmother's funeral we were both pall bearers, and I had a terrible feeling this was going to be traumatic for me. But he seemed really oblivious to the fact that our past was anything but friendly, so it was easy to pretend every thing was fine between us. If I had contact with him on a regular basis, I don't know if I could handle it so well.
One of my abusers was a cousin who I rarely see except for funerals for family members. For our grandmother's funeral we were both pall bearers, and I had a terrible feeling this was going to be traumatic for me. But he seemed really oblivious to the fact that our past was anything but friendly, so it was easy to pretend every thing was fine between us. If I had contact with him on a regular basis, I don't know if I could handle it so well.
My mother was one of my perps so I was in contact with her on a regular basis until I got older. Once I moved out of the house our relationship became a bit more distant -- I really did not want to see her -- but it was not until after she died that I told my father about her. He was devastated but at least now understands why I have the number of issues that I have.
Now, knowing what I know, I am not sure I would be able to have a relationship with her. I definitely would not want her around my kids.
I wish you the best of luck as you try to figure out what to do. Stay strong.
Now, knowing what I know, I am not sure I would be able to have a relationship with her. I definitely would not want her around my kids.
I wish you the best of luck as you try to figure out what to do. Stay strong.
My dad is dead now but I did not see him for many years after I confronted and reported him to the authorities. I felt I had to as he was a leopard unlikely to change his spots and he had access to children.
For me there was no reason to continue to deal with him. I honestly don’t think I could have been around him without wanting to hurt him. My mother had died when I was still at school so that wasn’t an issue for me; my siblings sided with my dad so I lost them. I think my family was so messed up that being around the denial and lies would have been destructive for me.
My last contact with my dad was almost thirty years ago I am glad I cut him out of my life. I am only now getting around to dealing with the childhood stuff, wish I had done it earlier but better late than never.
It is such an individual and difficult situation I hope you get clear about what approach is right for you. Hope sharing here helps.
Take care
For me there was no reason to continue to deal with him. I honestly don’t think I could have been around him without wanting to hurt him. My mother had died when I was still at school so that wasn’t an issue for me; my siblings sided with my dad so I lost them. I think my family was so messed up that being around the denial and lies would have been destructive for me.
My last contact with my dad was almost thirty years ago I am glad I cut him out of my life. I am only now getting around to dealing with the childhood stuff, wish I had done it earlier but better late than never.
It is such an individual and difficult situation I hope you get clear about what approach is right for you. Hope sharing here helps.
Take care
