Constant weakness
somerandomguy
Registrant
I'm not your typical survivor; I've never met anyone else who's been through what I went through. I grew up being afraid of sex and being male; in my Catholic upbringing, sex sent you to Hell. I married the first woman I ever dated because of my fears; she was a sexual abuse survivor herself and never wanted sex. But I had my urges; pressuring her for sex got me accused of rape. Later I got heavily into masochistic sex with her since this is the only way I could fulfill my sexual needs without guilt.
I strongly consider the things she put me through, both psychologically and sexually, to be abuse - but I know that I am also to blame for not seeking help for my problems, for accepting the lies I was taught, and for putting others' needs ahead of my own.
I don't consider myself much of a man. I remarried but am having a really difficult time having a sexual relationship with my gorgeous, willing wife. (I wrote "hard time" there, but that would be an inaccurate description of my problem.) I know time is running out on us if I can't put myself back together. She wants (and deserves) so much more than I can give. We recently started sex therapy, and my therapist is aware of my past. This should give me some hope, but I'm not sure I feel any.
I guess I don't even know what the point of this stupid post is.
I strongly consider the things she put me through, both psychologically and sexually, to be abuse - but I know that I am also to blame for not seeking help for my problems, for accepting the lies I was taught, and for putting others' needs ahead of my own.
I don't consider myself much of a man. I remarried but am having a really difficult time having a sexual relationship with my gorgeous, willing wife. (I wrote "hard time" there, but that would be an inaccurate description of my problem.) I know time is running out on us if I can't put myself back together. She wants (and deserves) so much more than I can give. We recently started sex therapy, and my therapist is aware of my past. This should give me some hope, but I'm not sure I feel any.
I guess I don't even know what the point of this stupid post is.