Constant weakness


I'm not your typical survivor; I've never met anyone else who's been through what I went through. I grew up being afraid of sex and being male; in my Catholic upbringing, sex sent you to Hell. I married the first woman I ever dated because of my fears; she was a sexual abuse survivor herself and never wanted sex. But I had my urges; pressuring her for sex got me accused of rape. Later I got heavily into masochistic sex with her since this is the only way I could fulfill my sexual needs without guilt.

I strongly consider the things she put me through, both psychologically and sexually, to be abuse - but I know that I am also to blame for not seeking help for my problems, for accepting the lies I was taught, and for putting others' needs ahead of my own.

I don't consider myself much of a man. I remarried but am having a really difficult time having a sexual relationship with my gorgeous, willing wife. (I wrote "hard time" there, but that would be an inaccurate description of my problem.) I know time is running out on us if I can't put myself back together. She wants (and deserves) so much more than I can give. We recently started sex therapy, and my therapist is aware of my past. This should give me some hope, but I'm not sure I feel any.

I guess I don't even know what the point of this stupid post is.
Hey somerandomguy,
Lots of us get all messed up and unable to enjoy healthy sex. You are not alone in this. Get some counseling from s qualified therapist and they can help you sort out your feelings and get you back on track. You may have to look around to find someone qualified to work you though this but it will definately be worth it and I would suggest you beautiful bride go with you. This will help her understand the problem and help you resexualize yourself in a more positive way for you so you both can enjoy a physical relationship.

Good luck friend.



I was just in an exchange here today with a guy about our messed up sex lives. We both struggle with wives who are survivors too. I shared I'd been fantasizing, more lately, and I am scared....of acting out.

Because in both our marriages sex is not usual, much less enjoyable. Others have been and gone through this, but for's a stressor.

Somerandomguy, your story isn't what I've experienced, but the feelings....YES. I appreciate your story, of having courage to throw it out. Thank you. Everytime one of you shares your fears here, part of me says "someone ELSE!!!!"

No, you aren't alone. Again, you aren't. Thanks for opening up with us.