Confusion

[FlyWM]

Seems confusion is a popular topic as of late, and here's one more in regards to it.

I feel so confused about everything, and lonely, I may be surrounded by people but I still feel lonely, and that only confuses me more. I read a news story about love, what love does for the human spirit and mind, and one thing I realized tonight, I have never felt loved, I have never been loved, not even by my parents, why do I not deserve the love everyone else seems to have as a birth-right? I know I deserve, but I feel I don't, and that confuses me even more, I just feel so lost and alone right now, and I guess I am mourning what I never had. I am mourning my life, my childhood, my innocence, and what I never had, love.

scott

 

[Bill_1965]

Hello Scott,

I too feel alone in a roomful of people. I even feel alone in a roomful of family. This is because I am too afraid to open up and let myself befriend them.

To open ourselves up for friendship and love means invite the chance that we may be hurt again. Something I don't want to let happen again, but what is the alternative, loneliness and despair. Opening ourselves up also means letting out our 'secrets'. Well, I am tired of being lonely and sick of holding their secrets. But where to find the strength to open up, to allow true friendship and love to blossom.

This is something I am working on and intend to find. Who knows, it may be staring us in the face and we don't even recognize it for what it is.

I wish you the strength,
Bill

 

[The Dean]

Hi Scot and Bill,

a couple of thoughts here. First, I find that we are very wise to open up just a bit at first, and then IF that opening up is mutual, to open a little more etc. If it is not reciprocal, I feel really threatened to open up beyond the little "test."

Then, sometimes, we cna be loved by a lot of people and not really be aware of it, because we have been harmed either by someone we thought at least cared for us, or we were harmed by someone who tried to make us think that what he or they were doing was actually loving us "in a special way." ( puking is permitted at this point!!!)

My bet is, that several, or many people who know you, care a lot more about you, and have a lot more affection for you than you allow yourself to experience.

I have no answer as to how we let ourselves experience that, because I still don't do that much with adults. I can handle "safe" love but not risky love.

Bob

 

[G5]

I feel your pain and I can understand. Your confusion can be debilitating........hmmm, I want to write something life giving for you, but right now I don't know how. I'm confused with my emotions about your pain because I often feel the same way. It triggered me. I just wanted to let you know that I understand, and that the struggle will get easier. I say this because my days fluctuate, but they are getting easier...it's not happening quickly, but when I decide I'm ready. And you will know when you are ready take on more.

C