Confusion *RANT*

[onlyakid]

I am feeling very helpless, I feel like I can not get out of this life of misery I am in. I've been to therapy, I've gone to Male Survivor Retreats. Yet I still feel like I don't fit in, no one will accept me and I am not worthy to have a good life.

Everyone tells me that the experiences I had with my brother when I was 12 was sexual abuse. However when I try to take care of the problem, nothing seems to happen. My homelife when I was growing up wasn't the greatest, my father had Parkinsons disease which caused alot of fighting in my house, my parents got divorced, 2 of my 3 remaining grandparents died within a years time (My fathers father died before I was born), and my brother started "abusing" me. When I was in Kindergarten, I was diagnosed with ADD (now known as ADHD) and I took medication for a year or so but was taken off them because my mother didn't think they were working.

I am confused and I don't know what to do. My life is going nowhere and I'm afraid I'll never be able to get out.

Jason

(Please do not be offended with me putting the word abusing in quotes. I don't know if I truly was abused I don't know what is wrong)

If you've read this far, Thank you.

 

The question of whether I was "abused" or not was answered by my therapist. He said hell yes I was. No one makes this crap up.

I know where you are. I am mostly there too, but progress, however slow, is progress. And it is hard, painful, and it seems it never ends. All I know is I can't give up.

You can't give up either. One thing I know for sure is that you are making progress, even if you don't see it. Because you are fighting. Like I think a lot of us are.

Wishing you peace.

 

[ScottyTodd]

Jason - From what we shared about your story, you were abused; however, we struggle to accept that fact fearing it being true!! This is especially true when we still live within the home and family in which the abuse occurred. We still see our perp and the family may not believe us. Sometimes it comes to our minds as a quasi-real memory. Remember that saying - if one person says it's a duck, they maybe right. If two people say it's a duck, then you need to investigate. If many people say it's a duck...by golly, it's a duck!! You are a courageous person and taking steps to heal (sounds unbelievable, Jason? but it's true). Keep the focus on yourself and your healing!!! [enjoyed out chat Sat. a.m.].

Howard