Confusion: Comments deeply Appreciated!!!

Hello family,if I may,
Kept editing the title hoping to get some response for this preplexing issue to me.
So odd that for 2 days I was what i thought going to just die and now I have some peace of some sort. Gratitude to God.
I have had a possible awareness I am anxious to get input on. For as long as I can remember there have been certain things that have bothered me a great deal. Well bothered is not the word. Drive me to the point of screaming and fleeing. These are a bit odd but who knows?
I have never been able to be in a room with a ticking clock. I can not stand a dripping faucet. I go crazy is some one crunches ice or food(i.e. popcorn) The catcher here is that this is only when it is someone I am close to or attracted to or along those lines, or I am alone(clock and drip). If I am at a friends house I don't notice a clock. If they crunch ice I think it is annoying is about all.

With my ex or parents or one of my roomates(attracted to) it is unbearable and I just about scream and have to get away. It just comes up inside of me like an adrenalin rush but that is not quite the description. It is intense is about the best i can explain. Nothing associated with it. Just the whatever it is alert or whatever. I am I guess preceived rude by my roommate. As I just get quiet while I try to maintain and leave if he doesn't leave.

Since childhood I have had to sleep with background noise. Years ago it evolved to be a window(box) fan. The noise is perfect. One runs on my bedroom floor 24/365 It has to be a cheap one to generate the right noise. I keep plenty handy. When traveling I get by with a noise generator. If traveling by car I take a fan. Without it I can not endure the silence.

Any insight would be quite welcomed.

This just struck me today. I have always just thought these were weird things about me, but perhaps more?

[ 07-31-2001: Message edited by: MichaelW ]

[ 08-01-2001: Message edited by: MichaelW ]

[ 08-01-2001: Message edited by: MichaelW ]

[ 08-02-2001: Message edited by: MichaelW ]

 

[jerunamuck]

While reading your post I kept thinking about a book I read, "Just Before Dawn"; Jan Hindman. She talks about the nature of trauma (RTS) and what contributes to it. One of the things that severely traumatized rape survivors had in common was that they had to wait for IT. I read your descripting and picture a little boy, sits in a quiet room where the only sound is of a clock or the abuser eating. This boy knows he is going to be abused but he has to just sit there and quitely and wait for it, with all the thoughts and emotions he can do nothing about. That you only experience this with people you are close to is consistent with having been close to the abuser. At least I thing you were at one time.

 

Thank You so much for taking the time to share your insight. I had never made that possible connection. Thank You

 

This post was really interesting. I wonder, how many of us have other flashback problems with the people we love?

I know that I always have to have noise. I always have the tv or radio on, pretty loud. I think I like the distraction, so I don;t have to think about my real problems or be alone with myself. It;s like the tv or radio is company for me.Also, with all that other noise, I don't have to talk to anybody.

[ 08-06-2001: Message edited by: big bear ]