confused

[markgreyblue]

my current ex boyfriend and i hang out all the time -
we are close and yet there seems to be a wall between us that i do not understand - i think that we are not altogether compatible -

i wish we were more alike -

sometimes i feel like he is trying to change me -
and i realize this after we are together and i come home and find myself confused about myself -

in the sense that i feel so odd - i really want him sexually - but he seems to have so little sex drive - or whatever - that i find he both teases
and then doesn't deliver - ahhhhhh

i leave there feeling like it has been cut off-
and i feel unhealthy and like a pork chop in a synagogue (confused and lost)

anyway thanks for the rant -

 

[markgreyblue]

I guess a big issue for me is that i find it hard
to have non sexual relationships with men i am
attracted to - is this a result of the sa?

dan and i are not dating but i am so attracted to him still and i find the dry relationship is hard -

 

Mark,

I don't think it is related to the sa to be attracted to a man who is unattainable.

I have had friends that I was attracted to, but knew that the friendship was all there would ever be. Some would even flirt with me and then act like it never happened.

Yeah, it's hard. So I think in that respect you're pretty "normal".

Hang in there guy!

Marc

 

[crisispoint]

Marc,

I was rereading "Silence of the Lambs" (I have what could be called an unhealthy attraction to the Hannibal Lecter character ), and I came across a quote, which I don't have in front of me, that pertains to my own particular situation. It may help put things in perspective.

Clarice is attracted (in the book, not the movie) to one of the two bug experts who helped her with teh Death's Head moth they found on a victim. The other expert called her. She tells her roommate, Ardelia, "when you meet two guys, the wrong one will end up calling you every single time."

In my case, I love a guy I'm dating, but he doesn't feel so strongly toward me. Another guy I'm kinda seeing ( ) likes me a lot, but I'm very busy and I'm kinda put off with his "I-want-to-see-you-but-I-don't-want-anyone-to-know-I'm-dating-a-guy" attitude.

So this is normal, what you're talking about.

Is it SA-related, maybe in part, but this happens in relationships of all stripes.

Peace and love, Marc,

Scot

 

[Sans Logos]

markgreyblue

guess a big issue for me is that i find it hard
to have non sexual relationships with men i am
attracted to - is this a result of the sa?

The hetro world has imposed its perspective and we've been dupped into embracing it. I have lived with the issues long enough to witness the gay community rail against this, struggling to throw off this enforced perspective. I think feelings are just feelings. They are not particularly "gay" or "straight".

It is not necessary to judge such feelings as morally right or wrong, as pathological or not. Feeling and urges spring from nature: yours, mine ours. That's all I need to know. It's all good.

 

[Brayton]

I agree--there's an awful lot of pressure to comform our behaviors to some pretty narrowly defined categories.

The sa is part of my history. That's never going to change. And it does effect who I am and the relationships I have. That's just how it is.

We have no way of knowing how and to what extent the people we meet have been effected by their histories.

Relationships of all kinds cause me anxiety every day. I have a really hard time being around anyone. I feel paranoid and panicked.

I don't have as much problem being around straight men as I do gay men. In my experience and with exceptions of course, they seem to sexualize every relationship between men and often in a demeaning and minimizing way.

I must be hearing some of it at least through my sa filter. I have a really hard time being in any environment in which sex is present, even with my partner.

I usually don't want to be touched though I find I am a good hugger when I initiate it.

I am even uncomfortable when a person gets physically too close to me, like within a few feet. I don't like it when they want to know too much about me.

 

[Mike Church]

My brothers. As just a guy I think that there is physical attraction and horniness in all of us, gay straight or somewhere along the spectrum. I mean we humans are very sexual animals. Sometimes we dont seem to be able to co-ordinate this with like feelings from someone else towards us. Would that we could. But each one of us deserves someone that we can be emotionlly and physically with and the feeling is reciprocated.

We are all creatures, partially of our past, and to say that sa is not an influence is like saying the Pope is a Baptist and hangs out at Hooters. We cant hug but we can be huggers. We cant be loved but we can love. We cannot cry but can hold someone who does. We are terribly hard on ourselves. Why? Because god dammit we were trained to be that way. So lets admit the truth but change our feelings about the truth. Easy to say and hard to do. But guess what. We are not quitters or perverts like our perps. We are genuinelly interested in the feelings of others, just cannot accept it when these feelings are about or to us. Lets all just try to be kind to each other and ourselves the most.

Now for Hugging. Just ask the guys who all attended the retreat in Paris Ontario. It was a huggers convention at the end. Hell I carried around a teddy bear and was not self conscious in front of the other guys. It helped us all get in touch with our feelings.

God I do ramble on. Just felt I had to add my two cents worth. Or is it a Loonie's worth. That is Canadian Speak for One Dollar "eh".