Confused
In the time of trying to find my sexual identity and confusion more issues pop up.
My dad had moved in with me due to circumstances in his life of his eye site going, and his wife who is 4 years younger than I had stole his inheritance money, took loans out on his name, signing papers in his name and left. She had left him in a house for 4 days unable to care for himself.
Dad had come to live with me first part of June and what a major life change. I'm struggling silently with my dad in the house of my sexual identity and finding my path. Dad does know about the abuse of sexual abuse, physical abuse and other trauma that happened. We had watched COPS and they did an episode on sex offenders in jails. My anxiety went up the wall and was just crabby and bitchy. I had to leave the room and go to my office. Dad asked why I was crabby, told him I can't watch that. I had said few nasty and royally cruel things at the TV in the process.
Over the course of the summer we were on the run, dad was never a person to sit at home on the weekends, so we were always out camping and I had went fishing. Kinda catching up on a lot of missed time with dad and has been good.
Dad has a friend who is younger than he is and I had sorry to say was finding this guy to be attractive. Think the guy noticed on several occasions. He had at times have gone out of his way to help me out with my boat in getting it into the water, helping me start it. He had made a few comments, sat next to me a few times, and went on the boat fishing with me. Dad couldn't go out cause of his sight and unable to get in / out of the boat. I'm ashamed of myself of saying that I had thoughts of engaging in sexual relations with him. Inside, I'm so confused and still feel like I'm "FUCKED UP". He is a manager at the Lakeside Marina and dad is like family to him.
I struggle on the point that I don't find women attractive what so ever. Can't find anything attractive. I sit so blindly when dad talks about women. I can relate more with men and find them attractive. I sit and just ponder, WTF.
My therapy sessions got interrupted while dad was moving in. Now I find out my therapist is retiring in December. Feel like I'll need to restart with therapy on the subject.
My dad had moved in with me due to circumstances in his life of his eye site going, and his wife who is 4 years younger than I had stole his inheritance money, took loans out on his name, signing papers in his name and left. She had left him in a house for 4 days unable to care for himself.
Dad had come to live with me first part of June and what a major life change. I'm struggling silently with my dad in the house of my sexual identity and finding my path. Dad does know about the abuse of sexual abuse, physical abuse and other trauma that happened. We had watched COPS and they did an episode on sex offenders in jails. My anxiety went up the wall and was just crabby and bitchy. I had to leave the room and go to my office. Dad asked why I was crabby, told him I can't watch that. I had said few nasty and royally cruel things at the TV in the process.
Over the course of the summer we were on the run, dad was never a person to sit at home on the weekends, so we were always out camping and I had went fishing. Kinda catching up on a lot of missed time with dad and has been good.
Dad has a friend who is younger than he is and I had sorry to say was finding this guy to be attractive. Think the guy noticed on several occasions. He had at times have gone out of his way to help me out with my boat in getting it into the water, helping me start it. He had made a few comments, sat next to me a few times, and went on the boat fishing with me. Dad couldn't go out cause of his sight and unable to get in / out of the boat. I'm ashamed of myself of saying that I had thoughts of engaging in sexual relations with him. Inside, I'm so confused and still feel like I'm "FUCKED UP". He is a manager at the Lakeside Marina and dad is like family to him.
I struggle on the point that I don't find women attractive what so ever. Can't find anything attractive. I sit so blindly when dad talks about women. I can relate more with men and find them attractive. I sit and just ponder, WTF.
My therapy sessions got interrupted while dad was moving in. Now I find out my therapist is retiring in December. Feel like I'll need to restart with therapy on the subject.
