Confused totally

Confused totally

reality2k4

Registrant
I met this girl on Saturday while walking my dog, and she tells me that she has only just moved into the area, with her bf.

The next day, I was out later, 3 hours later, and there she caught up with me asking why I was late.
I said that I go out any different time.

She "dolled" herself up, even though the smell of garlic was pretty apparent, and we walked down by the marina where all the birds are.

She was just like smoking pretty heavy and stuff.
We were jokey and stuff, and told her that the coots I dont like because they fight ducks for food like scroungers, and she said she loved them.

It was a bad hair day anyhow, but when we walked back she was telling me how she split with her bf and she asked me if I was married or had kids and loads of stuff.

She asked me to go for a drink in the morning which I never do anyhow.
She said I was pretty quiet, and yeah, thats me.
I dont want some woman to make advances knowing me so little time.

I was thinking she had a load of emotional garbage to just dump on me.
I guess its all I ever expect to find in life.

Maybe it was just me thinking about my own mental garbage, I dont really know, thats why I ask you kids here.

I want her as a friend I guess, but dont know how to respond to advances like that, especially when I felt so low.

She must have me on her radar, to expect me there walking my dog at 7.30 and then 10.30 and then wait three hours to catch me taking him out.

Relationships are pretty hard at the best of times, and maybe she is a nutter, I dont know, but I guess I have to have a reaction from F&F.

Thanx for listening,

ste
 
Hi ste,

My reaction is the same as yours, I think. She waited three hours for you to show up with your dog, that's a little heavy for someone you hardly know, who just ended a relationship.

It can be hard to figure out which of our thoughts about people are us sabotaging a potentially good friendship, and which of those thoughts we should be paying attention to... but I think your instinct to keep some emotional distance from her, until you know her better, is a good one.

SAR
 
Ste

Ditto on everything SAR said. I guess if she just moved near you AND broke up with her b/f, she could just be desperately lonely and scared, but a desperate woman is the last thing anyone needs to deal with when you don't even know her.

ROCK ON......Trish
 
Thanks,

I was thinking how its just another relationship that I throw away, but I cannot risk being messed up right now.

I guess its best to say we can be friends, but she wants more than that.
Trouble is, my own radar is picking up that she is real hurt inside, and I cannot deal with it.

The situation goes the same way when I meet a girl who I think is good, and I dont want to dump hurt on her, so its a vicious circle of need v want.

If I think right then I should open up more to confident women, and close out to ones who are needy.

Sex is the last thing crossing my mind in a relationship, friendship is the key to ever getting to know me.

I guess that is showing I have a good way of knowing what I want, but it is hard sometimes.
I really have to gain more confidence.

I can fool this woman by going out the back and doing a detour, guess I have to do that, because she is so pushy.

I have to stand off from her, but hope I guess we can be friends, but I just cannot let her in right now.

I just met her again today and she was carrying a big bottle of cider.
I guess that answers my question for me,

ste
 
Ste,

Even very hurt people have their radar, and I'm sure that she can sense that you *don't* want to hurt her and that you care a lot about people. It's a great quality, but don't let anyone take advantage or deny you your right to have your own feelings and space.

Why should you have to take a detour? It's okay to let her know where you stand... your first step on the road to confidence :)

SAR
 
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