Confused on sexuality *trigger warning*
I've posted introductions and my story in the story page but thought it was better to say this in here.
So I was abused from aged 12-14 which ended with me being raped on a school trip. I'd never thought of myself as gay, I had a girlfriend at age 16, we were intimate but it lasted 6 months. I've learned that at about 6 months I've ended all my relationships, took me years to realise. I was always scared to tell people able my abuse so would end things before it got too serious. I've only had sex with men from then on and currently married to an amazing man. We are intimate but not that often. I've always gone for quick sex or annonymous hook ups so I can leave after or get away as I feel rubbish after sex, not in a performance way but after cumming, I just want to leave and not be touched. The thought of 'cuddling' afterwards makes me cringe!
I've wondered over the past couple of years, what would I be like now if the abuse hadn't happened. Would I think of myself as gay? Would I have the issues I have now? I wonder about it all the time.
So I was abused from aged 12-14 which ended with me being raped on a school trip. I'd never thought of myself as gay, I had a girlfriend at age 16, we were intimate but it lasted 6 months. I've learned that at about 6 months I've ended all my relationships, took me years to realise. I was always scared to tell people able my abuse so would end things before it got too serious. I've only had sex with men from then on and currently married to an amazing man. We are intimate but not that often. I've always gone for quick sex or annonymous hook ups so I can leave after or get away as I feel rubbish after sex, not in a performance way but after cumming, I just want to leave and not be touched. The thought of 'cuddling' afterwards makes me cringe!
I've wondered over the past couple of years, what would I be like now if the abuse hadn't happened. Would I think of myself as gay? Would I have the issues I have now? I wonder about it all the time.