Confused!?(contains stories)Triggr Warning!
this post might be offensive
TRIGGER WARNING!!! TRIGGER WARNING!!!
I am a male, and considered "underage" as i write this post. I am very confused at the moment... i know i have been used but i'm not sure if it's considered molestation. I have very vague memories of the "events" but i do remember them. I remember being around the age of 4 and having my oldest sister babysitting me. She got me into her room, and i had no clue what she was doing. She locked the door and took off her bra and got me to play with her breasts, I dream about it every now and then and I can't remember if she touches my penis or not. I remember other times more clearly though, around the age of six, playing house with my other sister and having her put my hand on her breasts and making me carass them, and she had done this more than one occasion. I can't really remember if my oldest sister had done it on more then one occasion or not. I also remember another time around the age of 8 or 9 when my cousin, also female, got me to show her my penis in exchange to letting me borrow a toy I really really wanted.
My question is, was i sexually abused? I always seem to deny the first account because I was young and vagualy remember it, but I always seem to have flash backs, so why would that happen if it never heppened in the first place. And i remember the other accounts like they were yesterday. Well i'm not sure if they have affected me or not. I do seem very avoident and hesitant of any sexual activities or contact and seem scared and embarresed whenever the opportunity arises. Even the thought about sex is scary. I am very embarresed of my body, and have a very hard time trusting people, thats if i can at all.
I had never told anyone until yesterday, when i told my bestfriend that I had been used as a child, and he also admited that he was molested, oddly enough, in the same appartment I remember my first "event". But i really need your help i have felt suicidal at times, and feel like it was my fault that all this stuff happened to me. Was I molested as a child? because all the definitions I have been able to find are, if you were touched as a child, or engage in child pornography. I can't recall an event where my penis was "touched", and i was never in child pornography. Please help me. I am very confused about if I was molested or not!
TRIGGER WARNING!!! TRIGGER WARNING!!!
I am a male, and considered "underage" as i write this post. I am very confused at the moment... i know i have been used but i'm not sure if it's considered molestation. I have very vague memories of the "events" but i do remember them. I remember being around the age of 4 and having my oldest sister babysitting me. She got me into her room, and i had no clue what she was doing. She locked the door and took off her bra and got me to play with her breasts, I dream about it every now and then and I can't remember if she touches my penis or not. I remember other times more clearly though, around the age of six, playing house with my other sister and having her put my hand on her breasts and making me carass them, and she had done this more than one occasion. I can't really remember if my oldest sister had done it on more then one occasion or not. I also remember another time around the age of 8 or 9 when my cousin, also female, got me to show her my penis in exchange to letting me borrow a toy I really really wanted.
My question is, was i sexually abused? I always seem to deny the first account because I was young and vagualy remember it, but I always seem to have flash backs, so why would that happen if it never heppened in the first place. And i remember the other accounts like they were yesterday. Well i'm not sure if they have affected me or not. I do seem very avoident and hesitant of any sexual activities or contact and seem scared and embarresed whenever the opportunity arises. Even the thought about sex is scary. I am very embarresed of my body, and have a very hard time trusting people, thats if i can at all.
I had never told anyone until yesterday, when i told my bestfriend that I had been used as a child, and he also admited that he was molested, oddly enough, in the same appartment I remember my first "event". But i really need your help i have felt suicidal at times, and feel like it was my fault that all this stuff happened to me. Was I molested as a child? because all the definitions I have been able to find are, if you were touched as a child, or engage in child pornography. I can't recall an event where my penis was "touched", and i was never in child pornography. Please help me. I am very confused about if I was molested or not!
