"Confronting" your perp?

[StrangerInAStrangeLand]

I have noticed a few people talking about they have or want to confront their perp. It usually involves talking/yelling at them, trying to finally put them in their place and placing the shame and guilt they felt on him(her). I am sorry, but I cannot imagine this. The only thoughts I have about my perp involve sucking his dick(memories, mostly) or killing him. When I think about him, I honestly do not see him as any kind of human: I see nothing more than vile scum; a soulless shell that is not fit to walk this earth. If I could, I think I would murder him. Perhaps this is because most of you knew your perps - a preist or an uncle, perhaps. Mine was a complete stranger. Still, I hold to my beleif, morbid or cold as it may sound - torture or rehabilitation would be wasted on such a creature; after knowing the incredile suffering SA causes, anyone who would place that burden on another's shoulders should be swiftly removed from the fabric of society. I guess that's the end of my rant - tell me how depraved you think I am.

 

[Nathan LaChine]

Chris I do not think you are depraved. I have spent many nights thinking about killing the people that abused me. The thing that I have to keep telling my self is that I am better then they are and I am not going to sink to their level and hurt another human, I am bettee then they are.


Nathan

 

[ScottyTodd]

Chris - I don't think you're depraved! I can feel right along with you. I was raped by some 14 year old red-headed scum who lured me (I was 8 years old) into an alley along side the train tracks where I grew up. After doing similar things to me, he took my clothes and threw them in the middle of the street. I remember crying and crying, being scared out of my mind!! The memory is very vivid even today. It took me years and years before I stopped getting rageful on every red headed guy I met. Yeah, I wanted to kill the X@%* but was able to turn it from "a behavior" to "a feeling". At times I still feel like hurting that perp but, I have found a way to address that feeling in a healthier way.

This is a good forum to get feelngs out. I encourage you to use being anonamous (unknown) to your advantage. Most of the feelings you have go with being abused...and we have been there too.

Howard

 

[Wuamei]

Yeah, I wanted to kill the X@%* but was able to turn it from "a behavior" to "a feeling". At times I still feel like hurting that perp but, I have found a way to address that feeling in a healthier way.

Therein lies the key. Since I've started recovery & remembered my CSA, I've sometimes felt I wanted to hurt my perps in some way. I've also realized that I had been "trying" (not intentionally but more "instinctively") to do just that, in the ways
I sometimes overreacted in anger, or lust, or rejection, or fear, toward others, especially those I perceived as "abusing" me in some way.

However I too am finding ways to address these feelings in healthier ways than letting them become behaviors I act out in some way toward others--even my perps.

For me, to do that would make me a perpetrator of abuse--sexual, physical, emotional, or other--myself. This would be the ultimate victory of my perps over me. That I cannot allow to happen!

As Nathan says, "The thing that I have to keep telling my self is that I am better then they are and I am not going to sink to their level and hurt another human, I am better then they are."

This is a good forum to get feelngs out. I encourage you to use being anonamous (unknown) to your advantage. Most of the feelings you have go with being abused...and we have been there too.

Howard

Howard you're right: this is why it's so vital we have this safe place to use to get our feelings out, to vent, before the feelings explode into acting out behaviors.

If there's anything we don't need, it's more perpetrators--of any kind of abuse!

Thanks for the wise words gentlemen!

Victor

 

[mattandrew]

I know for myself i have wanted to confront my perp the only way this person and i know of and what we would do together once i confront this perp.

There is a bridge with both my perps name on it and mine and at the right moment and right place i may just get that chance to confront my perp and when i confront my perp i will forever make sure that my perp will never be able to touch another person.My perp did enough damage over the years that justice i feel was never served for the abuse i sustained so in essence, confrontation will be the best in my life once i get the chance if i ever get the chance.That is the only way i will confront my perp for there is no other way that will take care of the problem still left unsaid.