Confronting my perp/sister
BrokenDown
Registrant
Hello, I've been on the road to recovery for a while now. I've told my parents, finally, about the abuse that I went through as a child by the hands of my older sister. I just have a few questions.
Well, to start off, I told my sister/perp that she wasn't goign to spend any time around my child especially unsupervised time and she flipped out. She told me that it's nice to know that I don't trust her with my child and she told me not to talk to her for a very long time.
This doesn't really hurt my feelings much but my parents especially my mother just wants everyone to get along. I could care less if my and my perp got along, I've faked it for so many years that I'd rather not anymore.
So my question is, why do people in recovery confront their perps?
The only thing i can think of is we're searching for an appoligy and an appoligy from her would be meaningless. the only thing I would want to know from her is who, if anyone, sexually abused her.
If she was sexually abused by someone in our family, someone that I know, then I would really need to know this so I can protect my child. But my sister/perp is not a nice person. As a child she'd blackmail me and play all sorts of domination/mind games.
So my fear is that when I confront her and tell her I want to know who did it to her, that she won't give that information up. Don'y sympathize with her and say, well maybe shes not that far along in the recovery process to feel comfortable sharing that information with you...She's still a sick fuck, plain and simple.
Also, in my recovery I need to somehow find the strength to appoligize to the people i abused after my abuse stopped, as a child. This will be really hard.
Should I appoligize face to face, or on the phone or whatever is most comfortable with me?
I want to let the people I abused know that i respect them now and that i know what I did was wrong and that I'm deeply sorry and plauged with regret. If that will actually do any good I don't know, but at least I'll know that I finally did right by them.
Well thanks for listening and any advice offered i would really appreciate. Take care.
Well, to start off, I told my sister/perp that she wasn't goign to spend any time around my child especially unsupervised time and she flipped out. She told me that it's nice to know that I don't trust her with my child and she told me not to talk to her for a very long time.
This doesn't really hurt my feelings much but my parents especially my mother just wants everyone to get along. I could care less if my and my perp got along, I've faked it for so many years that I'd rather not anymore.
So my question is, why do people in recovery confront their perps?
The only thing i can think of is we're searching for an appoligy and an appoligy from her would be meaningless. the only thing I would want to know from her is who, if anyone, sexually abused her.
If she was sexually abused by someone in our family, someone that I know, then I would really need to know this so I can protect my child. But my sister/perp is not a nice person. As a child she'd blackmail me and play all sorts of domination/mind games.
So my fear is that when I confront her and tell her I want to know who did it to her, that she won't give that information up. Don'y sympathize with her and say, well maybe shes not that far along in the recovery process to feel comfortable sharing that information with you...She's still a sick fuck, plain and simple.
Also, in my recovery I need to somehow find the strength to appoligize to the people i abused after my abuse stopped, as a child. This will be really hard.
Should I appoligize face to face, or on the phone or whatever is most comfortable with me?
I want to let the people I abused know that i respect them now and that i know what I did was wrong and that I'm deeply sorry and plauged with regret. If that will actually do any good I don't know, but at least I'll know that I finally did right by them.
Well thanks for listening and any advice offered i would really appreciate. Take care.