Confronting Abuser

Confronting Abuser
F

fozzy_bear

Registrant
One thing I haven't done that I think I need to do is confront my abuser. You can read my story in the story forum if you need background. How does one approach this? I want to tell him what his actions did to me and how long its taken to get through. A letter if not in person. I am so not afraid anymore, that alone is an awesome feeling. It's been about 20 years since I last said no to him.

Nothing soon, just thought about starting the process recently. Should I not even start until I can work with a T? (no money right now).
 
I have confronted really two of them. One was not by my choosing, his behavior required it. Other one, I felt need, for myself, to tell him I can forgive him what he done to me. I forgave him, not for him, for me.

I think working it out in letter is best at first, even if you do not send it, it help you to get your thoughts more organized? And you can read it, see what you have forgotten, or how you want to say it different.

I think also some work with therapist first would be helpful. It would help you to gain strength, and know more what you are wanting from this confrontation, and why you are choosing it? It needs to be for YOU, not him. And you must go about it knowing that you do not know what the reaction will be. You can not control how he responds, and need to make sure that his reaction can not harm you further.

Good luck.

Andrei
 
It's definitely for me, not him. I just discussed this with my parents recently. It's not about him being evil, it's about what it's done to me and the life I have lost for soo long up until now. It's been about him for a long time, now its my turn. Confront has such a negative connotation to it these days, I want him to hear it and me to say it, it needs to be said.

My question is more about how I go about getting the letter to him or arranging a meeting, I would imagine most would hide from any dealings with an issue like this.
 
Fozzy,

There is a good discussion of this by Ken Singer here on the site. In the string of tabs at the top of this page, click on "Survivors" and then "Adult survivors", and in the list of resources you will find Ken's article on disclosure and confrontation.

Larry
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top