Conflicted **TRIGGERS**

Conflicted **TRIGGERS**
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onlyakid

**Trigger warning- I am not going to edit myself so the following could trigger someone. Please don't read if you are concerned with being triggered**

In addition to being abused, I was also diagnosed with ADD (or whats now called ADHD). I am currently doing a 10 week teleclass on managing my ADD. However as I'm taking this class and I notice some stuff that could be related to the ADD, I start to feel conflicted.
I start to feel like my abuse didn't do me any harm. If I were to confront my brother now, he'd probably just chalk our experiences up to expirementation and my problems in life to the ADD. And right now as I learn more about my ADD, I think I would believe him. The only other thing that ADD doesn't explain is my viewing of gay porn. He could say well then I must be gay.

Anyway, I'm just conflicted right now and I feel like the more I dive in to my ADD issues things just get worse

Jason
 
Jason,

Recovery from abuse is all about dealing with the feelings we have now, in the present. So it doesn't matter what your brother thinks about what he did to you; what's important is how YOU feel. But if you are genuinely convinced that what happened was just experimentation, then okay, that's what works for you. I would just ask whether the experimentation was on a basis of parity and mutual choice, or whether you were always the subject and required to make yourself available on demand for things you did not want and did not understand.

I don't recall if you are seeing a T. You might want to seek advice on how to deal with the conflict you are feeling as you try to manage your ADD and abuse issues at the same time. It sounds like it would be very complicated and confusing.

Much love,
Larry
 
I did have a T but my last T was useless and the one who actually does have Male CSA experience is too far. I'm currently looking for a new T that is close enough.

Jason
 
Jason,

All the best of luck with that. If you had an ineffective T then it's good you left. But I think the issues you are talking about really would best be taken up with a pro. A good T will help you work with your current feelings about what happened to you and how that relates to other problems, like ADD.

Much love,
Larry
 
Jason,

I've seen you post, asking people here before about correlations between ADD/ADHD and the abuses.

The way I see it (not being a doctor, therapist, etc) is to say that the abuse did nothing to you is simply bullshit. Yes, maybe you have ADD/ADHD. And yes, there are consequences and residuals of having that ailment, just as there would be from having diabetes or heart disease. As matter of fact, a friend of mine, he had heart surgery this year from valve ailments. So, did his abuse affect him and leave other residuals to him then his heart illness? Yes, of course.

You may say that is not a fair comparison, as ADD is more of a 'mental' ailment then physical. But the fact is, abuse WILL cause after effects. It WILL, it DOES. To say that any difficulties in your life or such is caused instead by the ADD is short sighted. Perhaps they are related. But I have yet to meet anyone who was sexually abused who does NOT have residual of the abuse. Period.

Leosha
 
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