compulsive masturbation

compulsive masturbation
Lloydy
how come I know this, but can't get my head around doing it ?

quote:
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So I can.t say that masturbating is bad but Love was so much better when I didn't masturbate daily.
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If there's a secret to this - will someone please share it with me.

Well I don,t know any secret all I can say is it just happened. I was so busy dealing with My 1st. week of being a survivor that I didn,t even think about masturbating.When my wife and I finnaly got around to lovemaking it had been 7 days. That time was such a great experence that I never thought about masturbating again until a few weeks ago.

One thing that has helped also is that I have worked with my wife to teach her other ways of providing me with MALE SEXUAL AROUSAL. I am sure that most of us have some bad throught about being frondaled by our preps, but when a love one does it to us it can be such an release Wife and I try to cuddle a few times during the week as we watch TV or listen to music. We have one simple rule I should never think that it will lead to lovemaking. Our cuddle sessions seem to be the release I need to get me by until we have the right moment to make love.
The more I think about this the hand jobs without climax is what keeps me from masturbating. Thanks for asking Lloydy
Muldoon
 
Zadok - That is the best advice I have read here so far. And I have gotten a lot of good advice here.

Muldoon - I think you are my 'brother from another mother.' When I started to read your rpevious post, I thought I was reading my own. Literally. I stopped to see if I had misread and was just rereading a post I had written.

Dave - the apnea story resonates and your openness is a guide to me.

Wuamei - I am always thankful to you for your studied reading of what I write and your encouragement.

Sleepy - well, sleepy, what can I say, you started this wonderful thread anfd I think you know we share so much in the way of experience and feelings. Thanks.

and thank you to everyone here.
 
This thread is terrific. I have avoided even opening it. "Gee I wonder why that is?" At this point I'm still not ready to dig too deep in my muck again around this issue, so I'll stay on an intellectual level, a well honed defense tool. I don't think I've seen it here yet but in a world history class 25 years ago a teacher was describing the beliefs of the ancient Greeks. He mentioned in passing that the ancients believed that ejaculate contained miniscule (too tiny for the eye to see) complete human beings that didn't grow until they were in the womb of a woman. So to spill ones seed was murder. He said it is believed that this is where the notion of sin in connection with masterbation came from. I've not heard this anywhere else, but it took a ton of pressure off me because I knew better then the ancients what sperm contained. It cartainly was not the whole story of my experience w masterbation, but for now....
 
I just read through this topic again, and Sleepy's first post is about the 'compulsion' that drives us to masturbate, not long after I make a crack about having an arm like Popeye.

And something else struck me then, I can remeber times when I have jacked off until I had cramp in my arm, my dick was sore, and I nearly had a heart attack :eek:

The pleasure was nil - but the compulsion was total, and I would carry on and on until I succeeded !

That's nothing at all to do with sex, relief or pleasure.
I suspect it's beating myself up ( literally ! ) to make myself feel .........???? I don't know what really - maybe 'better' than I was feeling before ?

It sure as hell dont work :confused:

Dave
 
Everyone here is a strong and heroic man. I do not feel the least bit uncertain that each and every one of you has the complete ability to fully and completely recover from the abuses you have experienced.

It takes primarily one ingredient, with whatever seaonsings you prefer: An enthusiatic and burning desire and commitment to a 100% focus in your life on the value of meaning in life...With this tool alone you can replace all feelings of remorse, regret, confusion, lack of focus, and survivorship thinking with joy, fulfillment, satisfaction, happiness, and productivity.

Of course, as men we then learn to put this commitment into action, and to use all our intellect, emotions and our bodies for the pursuit and fulfillment of our lives.

It has been, will be, and is always and only up to each of us.

Smp
 
SMP-

I just want to take this opportunity to welcome you. I am fascinated by a man who is a Computer Scientist, Yeshiva Student, and a Juggler!

To me, these represent a person who is fully grounded and engaged in the present, yet knows the value of history and tradition, and the wisdom they impart which can help us find our way safely and peacefully into the future .

And beyond all that, you juggle. Marvelous.

I especially appreciate your last post for the truth in it and the faith that you express in all of us and our abilities. It's nice to be reminded.

I think you have a point of view that will add greatly to our community here.

Again, Welcome.

Donald
 
I wonder if anyone sees this the way I see it.
I see masturbation as a healthy release of sexual energy.

Given the options :
a) Watch porn, masturbate
Or
b) Go out, be a slut, get laid, re-enact abuse, and endanger my life

I'd choose "a." anyday.
I've been a slut, and it didnt make me happy.
And Im not ready for commitment until I figure out my own self. And I dont think I would want to deny myself the simple pleasure of self-sexual-release.

later,
rax
 
Hey Jeff (Zadok1), I was fascinated by your handling of the subject matter. No pun intended of course. I agree that excessive masturbation does potentially take away from intimacy with one's significant other. However, keeping up with the structured regiment of being allowed to indulge oneself that you have successfully fashioned for yourself would drive me round the proverbial bend. But hey, different strokes for different folks. And again, no pun intended. ;)
 
SMP
thank you for your words
It takes primarily one ingredient, with whatever seaonsings you prefer: An enthusiatic and burning desire and commitment to a 100% focus in your life on the value of meaning in life
Click to expand...
This is the hard thing for me to do,Give 100%. I know that it is with in me to do this but I have not got it done. At times I feel like I am opperating on 50%.It is no fun to just get by.

Waume
Muldoon--cuddle sessions with my wife. She often asks for those. And DUH! the more I try it, the more I like it!
Click to expand...
Just remember to let the wife have control as to how far it goes. Never push her for intercrouse or she may not what to begin the cuddle session.

Cement
Muldoon - I think you are my 'brother from another mother.
Click to expand...
It just shows you how valuable this web site is, two brothers can be 1000,s miles apart but going through the same things in thier lifes and being able to connect via MaleSurvivors. Thanks for being there for me
Love you guys Muldoon
 
Andrew,
my guidelines have become so engrained that i dont even think of them now, they just happen. all i did basically was substitute a healthier cycle for the addictive one. see masturbation is a lot like smoking, part of it is ritual and habit. when that ritual and habit conflicts with what we feel is healthy and normal, it makes us feel ashamed and guilty. the important thing is to remove the shame and guilt. for some that may only be done with total abstaining, but i was able to feel good about myself again by simply changing how i was using it.

you will find that another behavior swap people use is these sites. where i was online diving into porn, i now find things to go to that i feel good about.

the time and energy we put into addiction/compulsion is still there, and it is important to fill that space when you cut something out. you swap a good behavior for a bad one if you will. a lot of therapists use this, but normally they sneak it in on you. sometimes they can be more open about it, but that just depends on the patient i suppose.
 
I was thinking about posting my horrible masturbation story from when I was eleven years old. The problem is I remember too many details and I don't want perps to be able to see what my neighbor said and the way he manipulated me, even though I think they all must use the same tricks anyway. So what I decided to do was to join, and post my survivor story in the secure section. I think perps can still get to it if they want, But not without leaving an electronic trail connecting them to this web site, in case they try to copycat what my neighbor did.

I was thinking this way I can talk about it and not worry about spreading his sick methods.

Les_Angry
 
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