Somatic discomfort/Pain stored in the body - Please help
CardiffKook
Registrant
Hi Everyone. I was sexually abuses as a young child. I don't remember the abuse, my mom told me about it in my adulthood after my pressing her about it. Why would I press her about it if I didn't remember? Because my body remembered.
After the abuse, my mom said my personality changed, I became angry and I developed an uncontrollable habit to put underwear or a finger in my rectum. It wasn't a specific pain that drove me to do this, but an overwhelming urge that if I didn't satisfy, my body would just go haywire, legs start shaking and I feel out of my mind.
Needless to say, my mom never told the doctors about the abuse, but did take me in several times throughout the years to see specialist and proctologist to try and figure out what's driving me to pick my butt as it were. Doctors never found nothing. The most they could come up with is "maybe he's not wiping good enough."
This has led to a separate complex into adulthood where I overly wipe, to the point of inserting the tp and finger in the rectum to get it clean. (this is a side issue, not my main problem).
To this day, I 39 years old, I still deal with this compulsion to stick underwear or finger in my anus every single day throughout the day. It makes social interactions and sleeping very difficult. Even sitting down, I've learned how to squirm in my chair and wiggle my butt to get the needed pressure on my anus just to settle my nervous system. Sometimes it gets so overhwhelming that I start punching myself.
I've never talked to anyone whose ever heard of or experienced anything like this. I'm desperate and hoping someone may be able to relate or give some advice on how to deal with this. It drives me mad, and I don't even remember the actual incident.
After the abuse, my mom said my personality changed, I became angry and I developed an uncontrollable habit to put underwear or a finger in my rectum. It wasn't a specific pain that drove me to do this, but an overwhelming urge that if I didn't satisfy, my body would just go haywire, legs start shaking and I feel out of my mind.
Needless to say, my mom never told the doctors about the abuse, but did take me in several times throughout the years to see specialist and proctologist to try and figure out what's driving me to pick my butt as it were. Doctors never found nothing. The most they could come up with is "maybe he's not wiping good enough."
This has led to a separate complex into adulthood where I overly wipe, to the point of inserting the tp and finger in the rectum to get it clean. (this is a side issue, not my main problem).
To this day, I 39 years old, I still deal with this compulsion to stick underwear or finger in my anus every single day throughout the day. It makes social interactions and sleeping very difficult. Even sitting down, I've learned how to squirm in my chair and wiggle my butt to get the needed pressure on my anus just to settle my nervous system. Sometimes it gets so overhwhelming that I start punching myself.
I've never talked to anyone whose ever heard of or experienced anything like this. I'm desperate and hoping someone may be able to relate or give some advice on how to deal with this. It drives me mad, and I don't even remember the actual incident.
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