Completely BIZARRE new years experience...

[PAS]

Hey all.. just had to write this.. this is just kind of a vent about something really odd that happened on New Year's eve..

We were at a casual house party, a few friends of friends.. and chatting.. and for some reason the topic of Michael Jackson came up... (insert usual partner and survivor emotions here when this topic comes up!)

Anyhow this person at the party, for some reason, started vehemently defending MJ (as if she had some kind of personal relationship with the guy.. it was truly weird).. saying shit like "well I cant see how people could think he was a pedophile.. he had a RELATIONSHIP with this kid.. he wasn't some freak jumping out of the bushes".. and she went on and on.. and she was REALLY intense about it.

It was really weird... this person then goes on to start talking about the charges against MJ in detail...

And as this person goes on and on my partner is just sitting and nodding, and under the table he is softly stepping on my foot.. holding it under his... my partner was the only one giving her an audience (because he's just like that - a really nice and polite guy) however, at that point EVERYONE else in the room was uncomfortable, and not paying attention to her anymore - one of those uncomfortable social situations, ya know?

It was unbelievable the ignorance she was spewing.. I just felt like knocking her on the head and yelling "haven't you ever heard of GROOMING behaviour? Thats what pedophiles do.. they try to win the kid's trust.. and then they abuse them.. Pedophiles are often people that the kid knows and trusts!" and it was all I could do not to blow open and spew this on her!

I guess it just brought home to me, that incident, the stereotypes that I think most people who dont have any knowledge of this issue probably carry - that pedophiles are freaky scary guys with poor hygiene hiding naked in bushes - many just dont know that they could be respectable parents, or teachers, or businesspeople, or doctors, or scout leaders... just makes me think of my partner's case against such a "noble community leader" .. ugughghghgh!!

Sorry I'm not really going anywhere with this but it was just a really really weird experience and I had to vent. It seems everywhere my partner and I wind up going lately there's some kind of pedophile joke or something going around.. maybe we are just tuned in to it and this type of shit goes on all the time, I dont know, and maybe prior to being with my partner I just didnt take as much notice of it as I do now.

Thanks for the venting opportunity - this was REALLY bugging me. I cant really discuss stuff like this with my partner.. still too triggery for him.. and I just had to tell some folks who understand.

P

P

 

[tschirret]

This kind of experience in a social gathering is very very disturbing. i used to remain quiet . But because of the trust that friends have shown in confiding in me about abuse in their lives, I let people telling jokes that might be considered as innocent, in good humor, that they might be not only offensive but extremely upsetting. Sometimes silence follows, or an entreaty to lighten up. Sometimes, I have left the gathering. At others, people have shown interest and wanted to know more. I believe that most of the time when we make offensive remarks, it is because we have never been made aware of what terrible things might have happened to people who , on the outside, seem to function with not a care in the world. Not knowing is ok; not wanting to know when given the opportunity is not.
MN

 

[SAR]

One of the reasons that I finally decided to leave a recent job is because of the "who can tell the most offensive joke" competition that seemed to be going on between the staff. Now let me say that I have probably the lowest sensitivity of anyone I know to this kind of stuff. It takes a lot to actually upset me. I am also susceptible to the fits of "dark humor"... But I know what's funny and what's not.

Clearly there's no educating people who desire personal relationships with repulsive celebrity figures. But I hope that as you and your partner begin to feel less vigilant and exposed that you can start finding objective ways to counter the idiocy. Sometimes a little "it's not funny," or "You don't know what you're talking about" goes a long way.

Sar

 

[kolisha54]

Sweet PAS -

So sorry you had to endure that!!! But isn't there a way for us to speak up at such occasions without causing any suspicion that we have had 1st-hand experience? Maybe it's just too loaded - especially with your Dear One sitting right next to you, being forced to suffer through the s*&t! I am sure I would react the same way, of course, if N were next to me in such a situation. I surely don't want to play "Mama Lion" protecting her cub...

But survivors are so accustomed to covering up - N, for example, will go off on a discussion of Michael's income, marketing strategy, recording techniques, etc. - just to PROVE that the topic is completely neutral for him! Still, to borrow a phrase, "silence equals death..." Anyone have any ideas how we can prepare ourselves for this kind of thing & have a verbal defense ready when it happens???

 

[PAS]

Hm.. I really didnt want to say anything to that person at the party as I figured I didnt want to trigger my partner any more than he likely was.. (he is so good at "covering up" he doesnt get upset until much later, and also sometimes he's able to let it blow over and other times he finds it hard.. anyhow..)

The only thing I may have said to this person (I was ignoring her at this time) was that one can never really know what someone has done by simply reading news reports in the media - we only get part of the story and we only ever will.. and try and redirect the story another way.

I guess eveyrone has an opinion.. the old saying: "opinions are like arseholes - everyone's got one" came to my mind that night a hundred times!

P

 

[kolisha54]

Too bad you two had to spend time in the communal potty with "it."