Compensatory Behavior ---TRIGGER WARNING

[Pete2004]

Compensatory behavior
Another way that people compensate for unwanted feelings and thoughts is to "numb out". This is a way to block feelings or forget about problems through the use of drugs, alcohol, excessive tv watching or playing video games, over-eating or other activity that is used to numb. Compulsive sexual activities can also be a way to numb feelings and thoughts.

Has anyone ever seen compulsive self masturbation as a control issue much like anorexia can be? From my first SA as a child until I was married, I compulsively masturbated. Sometimes as much as 5 times per day when I was younger. The upside was it kept me worn out and I didnt look for male encounters, the downside was I kept reliving the abuse through fantasy. (Im just learning it was abuse) When triggers trip, I now turn to gay porno, chat, video chat resulting in masturbation. In the past, I have viewed the masturbation (without the chatting) as a self comforting ritual, however, I am beginning to wonder if has evolved into a control thing where I am taking control over my own body in order to have control over something in my life?

This may make no sense at all, but its just a thought. I welcome your thoughts.

Peace,

Pete

 

[Rustam]

Hi Pete,
I think what you say makes lots of sense. There are lots of ways to block feelings and compulsive sexual activity is definitely one. Compulsive masturbation may have other elements also as you say re-enacting the abuse. The general advice/approach is to find ways to control compulsive behaviours, when they are taken away the scary feelings we are trying to block come to the surface and can be dealt with, a painful process but worthwhile process.
Take good care.
Rustam

 

[Lloydy]

Compulsive masturbation is a big problem for so many of us. And both of you are right in your thoughts about the 'reasons' behind it. Although I'm sure others will add to the discussion and find more reasons, and some ways of getting out of this horrible cycle.

"somewhere" on this site is an article by Ken Singer about "breaking the cycle of unwanted behaviours" - but I can't for the life of me find at the moment, but I'm sure somebody can go straight to it and post the link.

Dave

 

[Ivanhoe]

Dave,

I lose track of this one, too. I found it under "Professionals," above.

https://www.malesurvivor.org/Professionals/Articles/singer2.htm

I hope this helps.

David

 

[Lloydy]

I'm sure I kooked in there

Anyway, it's a good article.

Dave ( techno-peasant )

 

[Mike Church]

Dave No matter what you say I think that you should consider a helmet. This is the second time.

Now the compulsive shit. Any compulsion I had was a coping mechanism. I used to act out. When I feel the pressure coming on now I get my ass to the gym and beat my body up and the result is positive. Do I continue to get urges. You bet. But I am discovering ways to beat em back. Make sure I keep busy. Go do something with my wife. Wash the car. Paint in the house. Anything to make me tired out. And lately the effexor and welbrutin has really kicked in and my libido is down. At 63 I guess that is a good thing cause I would not want a heart attack from too much stimulation. Kist kidding