Coming to terms

Coming to terms
2

23yrsofpain

Registrant
Hello everybody,
I was sexaully assaulted, Its started when I was 5 yrs old, and continued until I was 15 yrs old. I have been living with this for years, I am now 28 yrs old. The emotions are starting to come out, and pain. Last night I finally told my wife on what happened to me. It feels a little bit better, to let this out because I can not deal with this inside me anymore, Its starting to take its toll in my whole life. It answers so much on how I have been a person these last 23 years, I feel disconnected to the world and I so want to get back into life.
I want to have a clean slate and put this behind me and get on with my life!
 
23,

I'm glad you found us. You will see that MS is a safe place and that here you are understood and believed.

Ten years of abuse - your whole childhood bro. Don't get down on yourself because it has taken its toll; of course it has. It's difficult to face this and ask for help, and that is what you are starting to do here. Telling your wife is a big step too.

Just set your own pace here and talk and ask questions as you feel comfortable. Recovery from sexual abuse has no quick fix, but we are all on the path somethere, and all of us will be here for you.

Much love,
Larry
 
23YOP - you can move on from this. It was very brave to finally tell your wife & if you feel a little better, I take it that she reacted well.

Speaking up about this issue means that you now have the opportunity to defeat it. Remeber there is much more to who you are than being abused. Be who you can be, not what this crime sometimes forces us to be. Achieve what you can in life and be proud of yourself.

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Thank you everybody, Its was the night before when it all came out to my wife. I have told her in the past but I just brushed it off and told her I never wanted to talk about it again.
But my life up until now has been hard and difficult. Everybody has a breaking point in life, and when you hit rock bottom you get an idea on how much this has effected me all through my life. Blaming people for things that was never there fault, but realizing that everything comes back to what happened to me and my childhood.
Shutting down, when things got hard for me or a problem arouse. Feeling guilty, ashamed, and alone.
But not anymore, yesterday was a day of letting it all out. I cried and cried as everything in life was a result of what happened, pin pointing when everything started to happen and when I started to run away from my problems and shutting down.
I am not afraid anymore, by telling my family and my wife. I am not alone anymore, they are here for me.
I know this is something I will battle for the rest of my life, But I have started the healing process. The weight from 23 years is starting to life off me, and its feels so good, that I am not alone, and it is not my fault.
I have leverage now, to change my life. Become the the man I have always wanted to be. With support I will get there.
So I thank you and this site, for the help and support, as I battle to take my life back and not to be afraid!!
Andrew
 
You will make it, Andrew. You've taken the biggest step....you've let someone know. It sounds like you have great family support, and we're always here for you. Welcome. We're ready to listen.

Bobby
 
Keep the faith and know that you are not alone.
This site is a wonderful place to share and learn from.
It has already helped me and I only found it
a few days ago!
Peace.
 
Andrew,

You are taking such a positive attitude on all this - it's great to see that. You are looking at aspects of your own life that need to change, but at the same time you are rejecting any blame for what was done to you.

And don't underestimate the value and power involved in talking about all this. In a way, doing this is a means of rejecting the blame and shame that has been piled on us. When we talk about our issues we are refusing to be silenced and victimized any longer.

I like the way you end:

...as I battle to take my life back and not to be afraid!!
Click to expand...
That's exactly what we need to aim for.

Much love,
Larry
 
A few things that has helped me, is my wife. She is a student advocate, so she is use to this with some of her kids. I am very lucky to have her as my wife, But I also know that this has hurt her as well and upset that she didn't put the pieces to puzzle together sooner. I told her its OK, and we will get through this. I have found that I love her more than ever. I have found my soul mate and what happened to me almost ruined it all, because I never opened up to her, anytime we would fight, I could never communicate with her and I would shut down and run away from the problem, I have done all my life. Since telling her it has changed and I can tell her what I am feeling and not afraid to.
Also I have written down in a journal how I feel and everything that has happened some in detail. Also on how this has affected me in life. Anytime I start to pull away or shut down. I read this journal, It helps me get back into focus. Everyday will be a struggle for a long time. But I summed it up in this:

"Right Now my life is mine again not his, and I am going to enjoy every moment of my life with the people I have pushed away for years. I am healing and will continue to do so, that is the power of love and power over oneself. Stay strong and focused, You will get through this and tomorrow will be a better day!"

Thank you for the positive remarks
Andrew
 
Andrew,

Another very positive outlook. We can't do everything at once, and when we get frustrated or are going through a bad patch it's a good idea to recall that issues that build up over years cannot be sorted out in a few weeks.

What is also good to remember is that in many ways we just don't SEE what is happening to us. We have such a distorted sense of reality, and our view of things has shifted out of focus so slowly that we don't catch on to what is happening.

You are starting out on such a solid foundation my friend - well done!

Much love,
Larry
 
Andrew,

It seems that you are light years ahead of where I was when I first began to talk. Just keep doing the work necessary for continued healing.

Courage,

John
 
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