Coming to terms with it.

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My name is judoman and this is my story
When I was in my teens, my parent went through a nasty divorce. I was going through puberty at the time and didn't really have anyone to talk to since my parents were always at each other's throats. I was conflicted with my sexuality ever since I was 13 years old. I continued to be conflicted with these feeling throughout my time in high school. My sophomore year was my first full year in an actual school after being home schooled since kindergarten so it was a tough adjustment, Dealing with the bullying, control freak teachers and constant harassment from upperclassmen. I found going to judo and Boy scouts on a regular basis helped with the stress caused by this as well as hanging out with the fellow nerds and rejects of the school. One day, around September of 2008, a new person joined our school and our group and was immediately liked by everyone in the group and by most of the people in the school. He immediately took an interest in me.

In our school, we had an end of the year part every May that all the students got to go on. I had become friends with the person mentioned in the above paragraph and he had invited my brother and I over for a sleepover for when the school get together was over. I of course said yes because I wanted to be liked by as many people in the school and I was happy that there was someone being nice to me. That night after my brother went to sleep we went outside to talk. I told him how traumatic my parents divorce was to me and how I wish it had never happened. He then suggested that we play truth or dare where he confessed to me that he was bisexual. He then had me strip off my clothes and he began to rub my body telling me it was a massage. I didnt like it and I told him how uncomfortable I was. He said just relax and its fun to experiment. he then held me down and proceeded to continue. I was to afraid to do anything. After that night the abuse only continued to get worse. He would have me come over to get naked and make me touch his penis. telling me how attractive I was and how I should be enjoying all the attention I am getting when he touched me. This abuse continued until 2011 after I graduated. The most violent and humiliating experience was when he made me strip naked and then forced me into the swimming pool where he forced his tongue down my throat and then stuck his finger in my rectum. Almost every summer I would have to go over to his house fearing what he would do to me if I didnt. I was finally able to get away from him after I graduated. I blocked him from being able to contact me in any way and told my mom not to answer the home phone if he called to talk to me. When she asked why I simply told her I didn't want to be friends with him anymore.
About two years later I was in college. My grades, attitude and overall well being were suffering pretty badly and I dropped out and moved in with a man more than twice my age. My depression started getting worse and I didn't leave the bedroom the entire summer unless it was to go get drunk with friends so that I wouldn't feel anything. My boyfriend at the time was trying to do everything he could to be supportive of me but there wasn't much he could do to help. I then moved back in with my dad for a short time until I met my husband on an online dating site and moved in with him
Fast forward to 2015. I am living with my fiance (Now husband) in Washington state and by this time I had confessed everything to him about the abuse. At the time I thought I had a handle on everything but I could not have been more wrong. My trauma started getting worse. I had night terrors. I woke up in cold sweats. I couldn't sleep well. I couldn't even have sex without thinking about the abuse and starting to cry. It was at this time I decided it was time for therapy. The therapy actually worked like a charm and the trauma went dormant for awhile. I was happy again, I could have a good sex life again.
The trauma is under control for the most part now. I am now happily married and have a wonderful home with an amazing and supportive husband and a beautiful step daughter. I was even able to join the United States military. And while I serve my country while learning a valuable trade that will benefit me for the rest of my life, my attacker still lives with mom and dad and drives for Uber because he cant pass a piss test. I wrote this to tell you that the road to recovery is long. It is tough, and not everyone can understand what you went through. But you need to get up and keep moving. No matter what you need to keep moving forward and keep fighting. I was able to win my fight because of my husband, my persistence, and my faith. I was a martial arts instructor to children in Georgia and became a certified coach. My story just goes to show you that you can let your abuse define you as a victim, or you can choose to pick up your feet and say "I am a survivor. I overcame my abuse and didn't let it define me."
I hope this story helps someone out there with their road to recovery! Thank you all for your support!
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