coming out as bi-sexual

CalabrianBambino

Registrant
I am 18 now and I am 100% that I am bi-sexual, but my entire family and friend group would push me away — they “hate gays” and can’t accept that lifestyle. trying to date girls ended badly since I can’t stand personal touching. hoping there is a better future in guys, but would like a family in the future. if anybody has advice please help me
 
well, the obvious advice would be to start therapy & work on your intimacy/"personal touching" issues. bi/gay guys you date will want to touch your body too...
 

Torres

Registrant
I can completely relate mate !

firstly thanks for sharing, and speaking out. I am a bi guy who hates being touched unless its on my terms only. It's sabotaged relationships I have had in the past, and I'm hoping its somthing I can work on for the future.. My sisters have been supportive of me, and always have been. My mum, it comes and goes in waves. I was 7 years old when mum left my dad because of DV and CSA which we all suffered unfortunately. After that, mum found faith then we did as kids. I remember being so conflicted having a faith and thinking I was gay at the same time. I couldnt work out if it was just an infatuation or if I actually was gay, as I had girl friends at the time, and was happy fancying both.
Im not one for labels, but its only been in the last few years I have been happy to see myself as Bi, and have felt like I am being honest with myself when I have said that (to a few v close people). Unfortunately through intimacy and touching issues relating to my csa, my most recent relationship looks like it could be ending (I really dont want it to), however I need to heal, and I need to get me sorted and process everything - my csa, my intimacy issues and my identity of who I am.

Keep reaching out, keep speaking, and dont lose hope. One day at a time, and know that you are not alone. Reach out and send a message any time mate !
 
I have told a friend that I'm a partially asexual bisexual, in that I have no interest in sexual activity with men, even though I am attracted to some men. I'm fortunate that my wife is bisexual as well and takes me as I am. I'm doubly fortunate in that my family of choice accepts me as I am as well. I can't imagine having to be something or someone you aren't in order to maintain your family. I hope that you find ways to accept yourself and feel comfortable with a relationship with someone, whether a man or woman.
 

Jeremy Doe

Registrant
I'm with you on the personal touching. I'm much better now than I was in my early teens. I didn't really notice it at the time, but I carried a lot insecurities with me growing up. For instance, when I'd play with friends and they'd want to wrestle and roughhouse, I'd get violent. That cost me several friendships.
I could receive hugs from family members, but the most i could do for anyone else was a handshake or a high five. I still don't understand the whole hugging thing with people that aren't related to me, and my wife.

I've been intimate with women and it takes me a good deal of mental energy to stay present and be close. What I found works best, and now that I think of it, my wife is actually is very accommodating, is to do it in a way that doesn't leave me feeling smothered. I never noticed until now how she has never pressured me to be more close.

The first time I was with a guy, the stubble on his face rubbed against my next and cheek and it was a trigger. I pushed him off me and all but ran from the room. I'm sure I seemed like a psycho. He tried to call but I never answered.

I tried to get more comfortable with being touched in high school with athletics. I wanted to get a letter and i figured maybe I could get tougher. It came down to wrestling or swimming and I opted for I wrestling. because I didn't I didn't want to be in less than trunks. Also, my older brother wrestled and there was probably some pressure there. Attire wise, the singlet wasn't much better and I had serious fear or anxiety about getting an erection during practice or a match. Ever since my rough times, i've been prone to that happening when i get close to people. I ended up wearing a cup, which was against the rules. Well long story short, I made it through the season but it was a battle every practice and every tournament and I never won a single match. Not sure it was worth it but it did help with my insecurities.

But now I'm in the camp of not being touched if I don't' want to be. People at work have tried to pressure me into hugging and I just had to tell them that it makes me feel uncomfortable. It seems like if you make it about your own shortcoming people don't seem as offended.
 
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