College aged abuse still has impact 36 years later!

College aged abuse still has impact 36 years later!

Eph320NY

Registrant
This was 36 years ago, and it still has an impact on my life!

In my second year of college, there was a party in the dorms where everyone brought in their choice of alcohol and they dumped everything into a garbage can. I was very drunk by the end of the party and felt very sick. I went into the bathroom and was puking in the stall. Another guy came into the stall and talked to me, but then he wouldn’t let me out of the stall until I pleased him.

This haunted me for years. I kept on thinking it was fault, that I let it happen. When I felt I was growing as a Christian, the enemy would accuse me with this saying, “How can you be a good Christian when that happened!!” Also, I was starting to feel unsure about my sexual identity. (I am straight, am I??)

In my 30s, I did get counseling and I thought I had come to terms with this.

But in my 50's it comes back again to haunt me and to cope, I ended up going to adult chat rooms, and eventually developed a female lesbian identity, resulting in tearing apart my marriage.

Back in counseling again
 
I’ve read this twice now. I hope you know you didn’t do anything wrong. I saw there were no responses here and I want to make sure that you know someone hears you.
 
I was drugged and raped at 19. It was the celebration of my graduation from Navy boot camp. I only have bits and pieces of memories from that, but I blamed myself a long time.
 
I am was drunk and I am loved thinking the guy who did might have been too.

I think this event did mess up my sense of boundaries, in my abilities to say no to things.
 
It can very much have that affect. Especially as a young adult I was pretty much powerless to say no to anyone who seemed to care about me. And I allowed a lot of things I wasn’t comfortable with.
 
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