Codependancy

Codependancy
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onlyakid

Does it take 2 to break a codependant relationship or just one? Guess I feel like I have a codependant relationship with my mom and I feel like moving out is the right thing to do because I won't be able to change her but just wondering if she needs to change in order for me to be better in the situation.

Jason
 
Jason,

you have a co-dependent relationship, do you want to break with it? You don't get on with your step dad, so you stay away from him, maybe you should go and get your own place.

Can you cope on your own? Do you need your mom near to you? There are a lot of good and bad points here.

You are young, you can make the break, but think, deep down. Is it the right time, and can you, make the break? Weigh up all the consequences, good and bad.

Only you, know how strong the bond is with your mom, but don't stay in a situation that is hurting. Make the break if you can, you will have so much freedom to live a life, that you choose.

hope it works out ;)

ste
 
Jason,

I get along quite well with my mom now. We have a good relationship. But there was a time when I was much younger when we did not speak to each other for several years. That time was necessary for me to break the bonds and for her to understand her limitations. When I allowed her back into my life, it was on my own terms.

Dont leave home if you are not ready, unless you think that you may never be ready. In which case, get out as soon as you can!

Aden
 
Remember the old trick that they taught you in school. Get a piece of paper. Make two columbs on it, reason's to move out, and reasons to stay. Keep it around for a few days. Every time that something comes to mind, place it in the proper columb. If it belongs in both columbs, place it in both.
Good luck.
:)
 
The idea that another person has to change in order for me to be happy/better/content/safe/whatever
is the HALLMARK of all of my co-dependent relationships.

It is also the chief characteristic of my victimhood.

So yeah, do whatever you want to do. I don't believe in giving advice, but for me waiting for somebody/somewhere/someplace to change is a sure fire way to insure my continued unhappiness.

Sadly, sometimes that's what I'm most comfortable with.

So then I get to ask myself, am I willing to risk some discomfort to make a change in myself that I am sure is in my best interest?

Just my deux centimes worth.....
 
Jason,

It takes exactly one person to change a relationship. That doesn't mean one person can control the way the relationship changes/evolves, but by changing myself, I change who I am in the relationship, and that changes the relationship itself.

No way to tell ahead of time how it will change, but it will.

Thanks,

Joe
 
jason,

danny's definition was so there.

i am now in coda and it fits me like a glove.

i also agree with listing pros and cons and a list. i use that a lot in my decesion making processes. do that and make your choice, for you ; not others.

long term though, we gotta love ourselves and not rely on others to make us "o.k." or feel good.

i am so working on that. when i get over that, i will be a better person for me, others, family, etc. i will quit being a savior, patronizer, and more or less, find someone close to my equal..

part of my therapy has helped me so much in identifying this for me. make choices, weigh pros and cons for you, not them.

am i well?..hell no!. i just recognize it so much now and know to work on me.

peace, guy
 
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