Closure *TRIGGER*

Closure *TRIGGER*
It’s so hard when you have to create your own closure.


*********************TRIGGER*************************

When the abuse ends most times if not all times we have an emotional bond with that person, in most cases we fell in love believing the lies of being special or loved.

As we grow into teens and adults we pick the same type of abusers, we relive the same cycle of loving and caring more than we are cared for and they to end with the other party just leaving without reason or closure.

Your mind is trying to fill in the blanks and answer questions.

Your subconscious is trying to work things out - give you closure - from past relationships and is also integrating your fears of why the relationships ended versus being the real reasons.

We know we tend to blame ourselves when things do not work out, even though the logical mind knows that they did not work out not for lack of trying on our parts, but for issues related to the other individuals. One was an abusive narcissist and one is so emotionally closed off your soul would be left starving. And probably still is because that emotional attachment is still there is some capacity.
 
Yeah for a lot of us I think.

For me, my childhood sexual abuse happened in the context of relationship.
he was a good looking camp counselor and all the boys seem to want his attention.
After a few years he started paying attention to me and it felt great.
after the grooming and abuse he dropped me like a hot rock.
I actually believed I had done something wrong and spent decades trying to figure it out.
I finally realized about four years ago that he actually work hard to install the belief that my inadequacies was the reason that he pulled away.

The trauma he inflicted devastated me.
but the abandonment fractured my ability to trust people.
and I blamed myself for so many painful years.
The truth is I’m still working through it.
 
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Even worse is when it's your father, and (after abusing you and your siblings for years) he leaves you and the rest of the family because you out grew his demographic.

Like a hot potato...
 
I think I need to find closure with not the people but the past, I need to shut that door forever and not live between worlds.
I moved to the other side of the country to get some sanity back. Do what you need to do to get healthy!
 
Thanks for this topic FA.

Hit me your words I have never thought of it like that I felt I was abandoned by Primary perp. I do feel like I had a crush on him. I think finding closure for that would help. Thanks again gave me another way to look at what happened when I became to old for him he past me on to some of his friends they hurt me where he never did physically hurt me.

Take Care
Esterio
 
Having a good attitude towards your care well help you. Try to make the best of it and accept their help. It is totally up to you really and they will help you get there though. Good luck with this.

Take care
Esterio
 
I call it the trauma shell. You sense intuitively there is a world beyond it but you can't see it. I know I plug people into roles and have them act out their part and I want it to be different but, I'm the director. Therapy has been helpful.
 
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