Clingy, yet anti-touchy

[EGL]

My wife and I were talking the other night about how I am "clingy" with her (like to just be beside her, hug her a lot, touching, etc.), yet with others I'm the opposite - do not want anyone touching me unless I have an extreme amount of trust in them.

My father was physically abusive (beatings), and never touched me otherwise. My mother never showed physical affection. I remember her hugging me once as a child - she was sick in bed and I was about 7 or 8. I made her toast and brought it to her in bed, and she pulled me to her and hugged me. My older brother started sexually abusing me at 12.

I'm thinking the clinginess is a response to what I never got as a child from my parents - any type of normal, physical affection. The anti-touchiness is due to the sexual and physical abuse.

Any thoughts?

 

[brian-z]

Well, that doesnt sound unusual to me. Im kind of the same way, cept Im just obnoxious about it. And for me its not just touching its personal space. My big thing is the grocery store. I always go in the middle of the night to avoid being crowded by people. Even still, I sometimes find that people crowd in on me. If that happens Ill usually say something like Hey, its called personal space, ever hear of it? Its very empowering to stand up for your self in an uncomfortable situation, and its the only way to get things done.

If your wife is happy with all the physical attention, then whats the downside? If it aint broke, dont fix it.

 

[Aden]

Eddie,

Youre pretty good at getting into my head. I guess that as long as I hang out with this group Ill have to accept having to read my thoughts and feelings written down by others. In a way it is kind of creepy, but in another way it is reassuring.

Anyway, I am not at all clingy. But I do utterly despise being touched or even having my closest friends get to physically near to me. I hadnt associated that with my childhood abuse. Now I remember that I havent always been this way.

That is the second time today you have poked a hole in my head. Read my next post and youll understand when the first time happened.

Aden

 

[Leosha]

I am very 'anti touch' right now. Not always. I have gotten to point where I can accept hugs from certain people most of the time, and I enjoy personal time with my girlfriend, even to point of sharing bed together at night. But right now, anyone coming in five feet of me, I feel my skin get up on my body and I need back away of it.

I think I can be 'needy' at times, but not clingy. (Not how I understand of it). Maybe you are more 'touchy' with your wife because she is safe person to you, and someone you know respects boundaries of you? She is like the 'security blanket' maybe even? Just is thought. It is nice to have someone you can feel that safe with, even if it feels as 'clingy' like.

Leosha