Climbing Jacob's Ladder

[crisispoint]

The Jacob's ladder is an appropriate analogy for what I (and we all) are going through. I've been flashbacking (is that a real word?) for the last few days. Getting drunk was indeed a mixed blessing, because I've relived all the abuse at once, yet now I know the abuse is real. I don't have to doubt that anymore.

I got a sense of peace from that, but I also have been dealing with a great deal of depression, sadness, anger, and hatred since. Every time I think I've climbed higher on the ladder, I've been spun off and had to get back on. I didn't have a choice in this anymore. I hated that, but also it's given me back a little of the power my abuser took from me. I will have hard days again (this is still fresh to the 11-year-old boy I was), but I know I can survive.

I had a choice to make. I could die, or I could take back my life.

I chose life, and it's made all the difference.

Scot

 

[Mike Church]

I had a choice to make. I could die, or I could take back my life.

I chose life, and it's made all the difference.

Scot that is what is important. You have chosen to take back your life and become whole again in spite of what your perp did. Is it easy? No it sure as hell is not!! Is it the right road??? It sure as hell is!!! Will there be bumps and falls?? You bet but we continue in only one direction and must keep that in front of us all the time.

Remember Scot you are not alone anymore in this journey. We are all in this together.

 

[theo]

scot,
the alcohol is a mixed blessing, isn't it? i did the same route for a long time. part of it was escape, but the other part i recognized even then was the altered state it induced so i could reach those emotions i had buried so deeply. in that respect, i was highly emotional for a good year and a half

the choice to live is the hardest one, yet when it is made the sense of hope returns once more. there was one time when i could not choose life. fortunately, God chose it for me that night and i am still here. this was before the memories started coming back. it did not cure the pain i had then, nor what i would find in the future when the memories returned , but it did give me hope. you did well, my friend.