Christmas ?

Christmas ?
The last few years (about 5), Christmas has been quite negative for me, as I wasn't in a place to enjoy it. That was because I was building up in my mind towards telling the police, actually telling them, then waiting for the court case.

I felt guilty when my nieces, nephews and others were full of anticipation of the season, when all I could think of was how I was letting them down, because I had not dealt with the bastard that had stolen my innocence. I felt guilty because he was still at large, and they were at risk.

Well this year obviously the court case came and went, with a conviction in March.

It took a few weeks for my head to start and settle. I started to wonder what I could do to make other kids feel that someone cared about them. I made a postitve decision to stop buying so many magazines (they were just an excuse to sit around the house doing nothing). Instead I started to buy small presents for under privileged children for Christmas.

This morning I took the presents out of the cupboard and took them to the local Salvation Army. There were several pirate playsets, packs of hotwheels cars, my little pony sets, stuffed toys, mr potato head etc. There was more than I thought. I handed them over to the Captain and his wife. They thanked me and said that everything would be put to good use! They didn't ask me why I had collected these presents, but it was the look on their faces, that showed they were extremely grateful. It actually made me feel quite emotional.

I will be going to my Sisters for Christmas Dinner and will see several friends over the holiday. The downer this year, is that my Brother in Law is having an operation on Tuesday, and will return hone 2 days before Christmas. He will be in some pain.

My pain is much less than it was, and is actually starting to fade. I also look forward to some time, where I can just sit and read a good book, and the fact that this year I will actaully be able to concentrate on reading it.

Hope you all have a great Christmas...best wishes ..Rik
 
Christmas is supposed to be good and enjoyable, but to me it is pretty stressful.
I dont (Celebrate it) I encompass it as a spiritual event when jesus was born.

I think of all the lonely folk, the homeless, and the little kids starving or being abused with no way out of their horrid world.

I will be posting my prayer for the Holy night of Christmas eve, so please read it on the 23rd.
It pretty much encapsulates what the season is all about, but why? Do we have a season of good will!

I wish for this Christmas that you all read my prayer and light a candle for all those souls who need support even spiritually for the loneliest of nights.

It is a walk through real life,

ste
 
for the last ten years christmas hurt the most . to a kid without family christmas becomes a day you dread ,while everybody is all excited for the whole month, for the kid its just the opposite, oh god not again ,not christmas.christmas in detention or foster care heh i could tell so many stories about it but what would it help? does it help anybody to read about somebody elses pain ?
 
in truth - i try to keep really busy so i don't have time to think -

helping others -

helps me - do that -

i like to see 'em happy -

- if my mind starts going to other things -

i have to leave the room - and wash my face -

---

mark
 
The answer to that is, Yes!

Thats what this place is about,

ste
 
Adam - I hope my presents go to the ones that are in the type of situation you describe; the ones that really need them. I don't know how much it will mean to them, but I hope it gives them some spark of hope. I can't change their world, but maybe add a little light. Some of the stuffed toys were good to hold & one, a monkey nearly ended up staying with me.

Best wishes ..Rik
 
I too am finding this Christmas time to be stressful. This is the first year I will be without family, which is both good and bad. I am trying to find something to do that day to keep busy. I have a chance to volunteer at a church that serves lots of meals to people that need it if I can get a ride there. I know myself and know sitting home alone is not the answer. Now if I had a nice quiet cottage to retreat to as you mentioned, that too would be cool. Well lets all just make the most of it and really try to have a good time. Merry Christmas everyone!

David
 
Well here I am, surviving Xmas and avoiding the new year madness.
I can't be bothered to go out in the rain and gales and battle with hordes of drunks :rolleyes:

But Christmas wasn't as bad as I feared. My parents didn't start another major war and I avoided major hangovers.

I was dreading it, and there was a genuine potential for all kinds of crap.
Some crap did happen, two friends died suddenly and tragically, my wife injured her arm so I was in charge of the kitchen on Christmas day ( well I did the lifting and carrying :D )
And there was other things that cropped up to make life just that little bit harder and throw all the best laid plans into dissarray.

My biggest fear, and the reason I posted before Christmas, was that having recognised the potential for some of these problems I would revert to my old coping stratergies, maybe not to the extent of acting out again, but using porn and retreating into my fantasies once again to hide away from the crap.

So did the worst of my fears happen?
No. well nothing more than I usually deal with anyway.

Which proves to me that what I've done over the last few years is worth every scrap of effort.
I won't bullshit anyone and say that everything is perfect, but it is perfectly acceptable.

So I look at porn sometimes? don't most men?
And even if I do use it as a retreat from reality sometimes, is that so bad?
I don't think so, mainly because I have a degree of control over it now and most times I can walk away from the computer or resist the temptations.

One day I walked away and sat in front of the TV, and watched something so crappy I can't remember what it was.
Is there a difference?

Both served the same purpose, they detached me from reality for a short while.
Which I needed to do, so why feel guilty about how we detach?

Yes, I know there are problems 'we' have with using porn, I've been there.
I'm not even saying we should use it, what I am saying is that we should aim for a level of detachment that we can DEAL with.

I believe that I have it, and the proof to me is that I survived Christmas with my sanity, and without a shitload of guilt.

Dave
 
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